A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met the most amazing girl when I was 19. She is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, funny, charming, talented, kind, sweet, and so beautiful - Christ! this girl looks like a Victoria secret model. I just knew she was the one from the first day. I ended up pursuing her all over the world (literally) and in the end we ended up together. The reason for her hesitation? At the time she was 30 (but she looks very young, like 21) so she was obviously very apprehensive about dating a guy my age. And don't get me wrong, even though I was only 19, it wasn't puppy love. I had quite a lot of women by then already, threesomes, one night stands, FWB, gfs, whatever you name it. But I didn't care. I just knew she was the one.Fast forward 3 yrs later, she has sort of ended it with me. She said that she knew what she was getting into when she got involved with me being so young, but she hoped that I would prove her doubts wrong, but instead I proved them right. I admit, that the stuff we argue about are so petty, perhaps to normal people, but she says it is always the same arguments and I do not change. E.g. cleaning up, being more organised etc etc. I have ADHD so sometimes I truly can not help some of this stuff.She says that at her age now she really needs to settle down. That she only has about 2 more years before she can have kids and this is her last shot at youth. I am still studying. She says she knows that I am young and still growing and she can't afford to wait for me to grow into the man I will become. She says that she knows in about 5yrs I will be the perfect man, but she can't afford another 3yrs. She said if she was 21 it won't be an issue, but she isn't, so it all is. She said it is different because in 5 yrs time she will be old but in 5yrs time I would still be young, in my 20s and still in my prime to get younger, better looking women.I understand her point of view. I also feel there is a lot of stuff I want to do and experience. For instance, backpacking for a year after uni. Going abroad to study. Or just being young and silly, getting drunk etc. But that said, I love this girl more than anything else and if I had to choose, I would give up all that to be with her. We still see each other and we still have sex. She told me that I should start seeing other girls so I can get over her. I go out and I have a lot of girls hit on me, I can easily take them home...but the whole time I am thinking about her. The idea of even sleeping with another girl makes me sick. I can not imagine my life without her or being with anyone else. She is my best friend and the love of my life. It gives me panic attacks to even think I may have to have sex with someone else.I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can not lose her. This is the sort of girl you meet once in a lifetime. The complete full package. But I know she is right. In terms of fertility, at 34 the clocks are against her. I do not finish uni till 2yrs and it will be a while before I am settled. I can not give her the financial support she would need to start a family etc. I would marry her tommorrow if she said yes. Commitment isn't a problem. I see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. Even if she gets old, I really don't care. I still love her 3 yrs now just as much as when I first fell for her. But at the same time I know I need to grow more and achieve so much more before I can give her or even be the sort of man she needs. But time is against me (or us) and I just do not know how on earth I can fix this or try to keep her? I don't want to be selfish but I just can't let her go. I love her so much and she inspires me to want to be the best man I could be, but time is against me.Please give me some advice. I really am going out of my mind and do not know what to do.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): +++++++++ I AM THE ORIGINAL POSTER!!!! +++++++I need to say, I did not do myself many favours with her. She has been really patient. I had not been working for almost a whole year and practically lived with her most of that time. She kept nagging me to get a job, clean up after myself, stuff like that. But I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I needed time to figure out what uni etc I wanted to go to. A girl my age, would of course be in the same situation and it would be easier. But a man her age doesn't have time for that. And I did my fair share of letting her down - a lot. You know, saying or promising to do stuff that I would never do or just forget. I mean, just minor things but over that year it added up, you know.And at her age, she likes to do stuff - like go to the movies, out to restaurants, go away etc. I mean, she isn't even high maintenance or anything like that. But someone like me, not working, figuring out what he wanted to do etc I couldn't do that. So we spent nearly a year just staying in. Which, for people my age I guess it would be normal, but at her age, well most people have jobs to afford to be able to socialise etc. So you see, I really kinda screwed up big time. So that is what she means that she wanted me to prove her doubts wrong but I proved them right. I have been quite immature so I have no one else to blame.Now that I got my act together, well I am a full time student. I still do not work so I still will not be able to offer her the stability she needs. Yeah, I know if I go out with a girl my age she will understand and be in the same unstable/broke student lifestyle and it will be fine. But I don't want another girl.I just don't know what to do or how I can keep her. I know what she is saying is true. I can't possible ask her to wait for a few years for me to become more mature/stable etc. Because in a few years now she may not be able to have children.And about having sex still. Yeah, I know that is wrong. But it was my idea that we can be FWB. It is not like she is using or manipulating me or the situation for sex. If anything, I am trying to act like I may be getting over her and try to even convince myself that I am open to the possibilities of sleeping with other girls etc.I know I have messed up. But I just don't know how to fix this. The situation now seems so complicated. She is right in everything she says about her age etc, but I just wish that I could prove myself somehow and get things together to be the sort of man a woman her age can be with. But I feel like I am not even close to being that and don't know how I can fix this.She is really an amazing girl. She has done so much for me and helped me so much with so many things. More than even my own family. I just can't see my life without her.Would appreciate any advice whatsoever.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): Some people believe we are not supposed to just have one love our whole lives. In a sense I am annoyed with her, she doesn't want you long term, but still has sex with you? Moving on will not mean you love her any less, only that you met at the wrong time. Hard as it is, you need to focus on your future - without her, and I urge you to make a clean break, ? Does she want it all? Concentrate on being the best man having the healthiest happiest life you can, in ten years she will only be 40 and if its meant to be it will be. Enjoy life, go travelling, you won't get the time back, be selfish, let her look for a man to settle down with, he will not be you and won't love her like you do but maybe that's what she needs to discover for herself.
I wish you so much luck.
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