A
female
age
30-35,
*torm08
writes:Hi, i hope i dont bore you with this i just need help...All this has happened since I started seeing my girlfriend, and have been seeing her for 10 months now. Basically suspicion started when she'd text her ex girlfriend say kath about kath's son whom she calls her own as well. At first i could cope because i understood the pain of her losing a son like figure and pursuaded her to see him on a regular basis. Even though none of the texts are about them only about her son and the odd joke, I still think she is sending texts to kath but deleting them. Her phone bill came one month and stated 25 texts had been sent to her ex, kath's number only when I went through her phone she'd only sent 17. It sounds crazy but since she had the phone she kept all her messages to see how many she could store on the phone. Also she talks about her ex quite a lot.. it's more we had this.. or we did that. I know I'm wrong for going through her phone, but I cant help it as some of the things she said to me in the past suggests to me, she wants her ex back!! I found her on a website the other day and she has been talking to other women... nothing serious... the thing is I do to, but I hate the fact she does. I don't say anything because I have no right to do so, as I'm doing the same.The past few months we have barely slept with one another and I'm scared she has gone off me.. honestly we sit on opposite sofa's and barely talk all day. I've tried being seductive, I've tried romantic, I've tried everything but all I get is "I aint in the mood." I have a low self esteem and lack so much confidence, so every time she says no, all that runs through my head is why don't she want to sleep with me. Because it has happened so often I make it into an arguement, I ask her if there is anything bothering her and she says no, and I ask her why, her answer is always the same, which is "I dont know" so I bite back and say you must know. But she still doesn't answer my question, so I'm left wondering all night. I hate myself, I feel like a cow, everyone I have spoken to suggests talking, believe me I have tried thousands of times and get nowhere with it. There is no way she will talk to me about anything she don't want to, she more or less just shrugs and carry's on what she was doing.I feel so messed up... am I the one who should leave her alone and carry on being miserable. What should I do? I have thought of leaving her, but I know I love her and that's the last thing I want to do. Please help I'm losing my mind.thank you x
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confidence, ex girlfriend, her ex, in the mood, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): Hi Storm08, I know the feeling and have been there myself.
The best you can do is work on yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, cultivate your interests, find hobbies and dreams and goals and pursue them, always invite your girlfriend, she'll probably say no, but at least you tried, and if she says yes its an opportunity to try out new things toghether.
UNDERSTAND that the problem is not you. It's in her head, she's confused and probably strugling with her own feelings at the time and she probably doesn't want to leave you either. She's just feeling off right now or maybe is suffering from depression.
It will be hard at first, but mood is contagious, be happy, encourage her to tell you about her feelings but not as if she ows you to tell you how she feels, but being truly concerned about her and her well being.
Seing you so strong, happy, attractive and with other interests in life beside her, will either make her fall in love with you again or make her have the guts to end the relationship. It's more likely that it'll be the first one,trust me, but in the remote case it's the second, it'll be because she has been wanting to end if for sometime now, but hadn't been brave enoght to tell you. It'd be hard at first, but you'll have built some interests and a network of aquaintances that will help you trough it.
Cherish yourself, grow as a person, and things will flow.
Good luck and hope you stop sufferiong soon.
A
male
reader, the one who doesn't know  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 start an argue. then slowly calm down. she'll be so upset that she'll tell you everything you want to know. works everytime
best wishes
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