A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some help as im not sure what way i should be acting with a certain fella. Im usually a push over so im not sure if im entitled to be angry in this situation or not. So please read and tell me how i should act now with this person.Me and a friend have known each other years and hang around the same circle and drink together etc. I know he always fancied me and has had a gf the last couple of years. I always rejected his advances as i didnt look at him in that way. When i say tried it on he would always give out to me saying that id never wud have considered him when he was single and how much he wud like to sleep with me etc and how much he liked me. However while drunk over christmas we ended up kissing and that is when i started looking at him differently. Since then he txt me every day and i only thought of us as friends until one night he asked me what my intentions were with him, To which i said i would be into starting something with him but not while he has a gf. to which he repled that he would sort it.Since then the texting continued every day all day and none of us mentioned what he had said about sorting things. Even tho i wanted to confirm that he meant it but i never asked as i didnt wanna put pressure on him. The last week he hasnt been txting me as much and then the other day he started putting lovey dovey stuff on his gf facebook and taggin himself out with her. i found this very hurtful and i wasnt sure if he was doing it just to get a reaction from me or if it was his way of telling me that we are done,Then today during a convo he brings up that we are better as friends and he doesnt want to hurt me or the gf but he doesnt want things getting messy. To which i acted all cool and that that was grand with me, i acted as if i didnt care really.Now im doubting my reaction...should i have put up a bit of a fight, or should i be annoyed about the way he treated me? Im not sure how im really meant to feel.....or maybe i dont know know how to feel coz i dont really care that much? was he out of order, or what do u think happened to make him do a 180. I genuinely know he has been mad about me for years, its like a switch was flicked and all of a sudden he did a 180. I know he will want to cotinue to speak to me most days via text coz we are close without the sex really as in we have a connection.So what should i do now, fight for him? or go on as if i dont care and see how it pans out? should i tell him he was out of order? or do u think maybe he wasnt sure how i felt and when i didnt react to the things on facebook he decided to get out before i did?Im not in love with him or anything and i think the feelings i have will go away quick enough. i just dont want to let this end without knowing i tried everything.please help, i have my friends driven mad and they are as confused as i am.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): Forget him in any other way but being friends. He briefly pursued you but did not give up his girlfriend - end of. So go into 'friends' mode and ignore Facebook and the whole put it down to experience.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): As of right now, you have done the right thing. You have exited this situation cooly.
He has obviously decided to work on his relationship with his girlfriend. Because he has chosen to do this, he no longer wishes to pursue anything more than a friendship with you.
Let him work on his relationship with her. You can put your effort into pursuing an available man.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Hi, he's not cheating on you with his girlfriend. He was cheating on his girlfriend with you.
You're not in love with him, he's decided it's time he stopped feeding whatever off label relationship you were developing. So why do you need to try 'everything'?
It sounds more like an ego booster thing for you, fueled by some alcohol and the lovely little "zing" that naughty texts engender.
Why not write him off as 'the one who wasn't all that great but who was fun to think about and who wound up getting away'?
And stop with the texting. It makes you look desperate and available to him. I expect at this point his girlfriend has some idea he's not been on the up and up and may be going through his texts…
You aren't in love with him. Why are spending so much of your precious time on this earth fretting about him? Later on in life, I think you'll wonder why you frittered away all this time and energy on this guy.
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