A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - please help! My boyfriend now lives thousands of miles away having moved to his dream city. This has been really tough on our relationship as he used to live 10 minutes away. I've never stood in anyones way but I did resent him for doing this as it kind of put an ultimatum on our relationship - either I moved out to be with him or it was over. He seemed to get his head around this but it always really tortured me and I guess felt pretty unstable. He's been out there a year now and has settled in but things have reached rock bottom on the long distance relationship front. I want to go out and visit him but when I asked him if he would consider moving back to the UK if I was unhappy in the future he said 'No - I'm where I want to be'. I feel really gutted and unsure now. It seems so one sided but I also know he thinks its a better life where he is and wants us to be happy. I'm cut up about it. My head is all over the place and with the chance to get a flight as I have time and money now to do so I'm starting to falter because it feels like I'm just jumping through his hoop. Am I being blindly resentful? He has got pretty cold hearted towards me saying I've let him down etc. Something inside me is saying he is a selfish man - the other counterbalances it with he is doing this for my happiness. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Yes - in response to Dusky I have let him down because many times I have said I will try to get out to see him and I have failed because of money and other issues getting in the way. He has waited and now I think he has nearly given up. He has moved to Sydney so its a big step. I've only been there once for a week or so as part of a trip a few years back i did love it but there are practical and emotional things to think about. I am happy for him but I cannot relate what he says about loving me so much and yet he is prepared to put it all on the line. I guess I kind of think that people are more important than places but respect him - I'm very torn.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Where did he move to and did he ask you to go with him and make a new life together? Honey it seems like he has made a new life and is very happy, surely you should be happy for him to fulfill his dream and not stand in his way.
If I was you I would have moved to be with him, as this must be a heartbreaking experience for you. What did he mean by saying you let him down? Is it because you never moved with him to his dream city?
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