A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half years, 1 of which is long distance. I moved continent (not even country) and we've been trying to make it work ever since. We are very sure we want to get married soon because we love eachother and we have put our hearts and souls into this to make it work that we feel like we really just deserve to be together. In order for this to work however, I will have to move back to the country he lives in. He has a stable job there, and I am unemployed so it makes more sense for me to go to him rather than him move here. The only thing is, the place where he lives is quite a small town. There aren't many opportunities there. I only wish to get a job there so that we can both get on our feet as newlyweds and build a future but I am afraid of things going bad, such as not being able to get a job and then I don't have anything to do. Right now I've been looking for a job for ages in my own hometown and had no luck, so I guess being here isn't any better but I just don't want to blame or resent him if I move there. We agreed that if I can't get work when I move that we'll try to get work in a different city not too far from there, it will take a few months of sacrifice staying in his hometown first though as he'll have to save. I feel really nervous and scared though because it's a lot of change ahead of me. He lives with his parents too so I will have to adjust to that, they are very nice though. I am in desperate need of some guidance / advice or reassurance because I love this man with my heart and soul. Yours sincerely
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (21 September 2015):
 Hi,i would strongly encourage you to apply for as many jobs as possible, prior to moving overseas, before taking serious risks and making such a huge sacrifice for your own working future.You are so young and whilst not too many men and women choose to marry at such a young age, specifically in Western culture, however, you come across as a mature and level headed young woman.I am much older than you and with age, comes greater awareness and greater wisdom, so i will say this as respectfully and as nicely as possible.You are both very young, so take a bit more time to find a job, whether it be in his hometown, or just outside of it, in which case, if you did work further out, you'd have to work out how you get to work, transport wise.Btw, you'd have to pay for transport too and if you're unemployed, how will you manage, until you get your first pay?Also, i know you are in love and very committed, but you're making big changes at such a young age and with all due respect, many young , new and inexperienced relationships don't always work out for the long term, although many can/do.With all due respect, many younger people, who've had little relational experience, do jump into things with their heart, rather than think rationally with their mind, before making big commitments.This is where age and experience really does make all the difference.I would encourage you to not rush into anything, because once you've made that big move, God forbid, if anything didn't work out as you'd expected, what would you do then?!Please sit down alone and do some serious and hard thinking about what it is that 'YOU' actually want, not what your bf wants, nor expects you to do, although, i know you've not mentioned any of this, but i'm just saying.Don'e ever feel pressured, or complicate your young life unecessarily.I personally, would never fly overseas to marry another, if i didn't have stable employment, or if i knew i couldn't find a new job where i was moving to, because although you guys are great together right now, you may not be so together down the line, if you are married, still unemployed and your husband has to make enough $ to support you and he, plus what if a baby comes into the equation, earlier than expected?I can only imagine the pressure that your husband would be under and actually you'd be unhappy too and you wouldn't ever wish for such pressure to ruin/destroy what you guys have so far created together.As you're both young, you may not have had much prior relational experience, so you may not be aware that long term unemployment does cause real relationship issues, especially if the one who is working, simply isn't earning enough, to make ends meet, nor to support two, or eventually three.Pre-plan very carefully first and get your working life in optimum order and even tell your bf this and perhaps you can postpone your move, your impending wedding until you do have a stable job, rather than hope/dream that you may obtain employment, to then move and find there is nothing available for you where you'll be living with your new husband.I do wish you all the very best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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