A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband lied to me. But came to me to tell me he lied but the way he did it makes me mad and the more I think about it the madder i get. He starts out by saying "I want to tell you something but I don't want you to get mad at me". Then he proceeds to tell me the truth about his actions and says the reason he didn't tell me at the time was because he knew I would be mad and he didn't want to fight. That’s because we have discussed these actions before and he knows it upsets me but just keeps doing it. Then he blamed me for him lying because he says he feels he can't tell me things. Mind you these are all things he knows upsets me and aren't out of the ordinaney for a wife to get upset about. This whole situation has ruined my weekend and I don't know what to do. Any advice is welcomed thank you. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 September 2015):
Well, without more information I can't tell you how I feel about it really. Just because something isn't uncommon for a wife to get upset about doesn't mean it is reasonable for her to get upset about.
I'll say this- apparently he came clean, on his own, because he doesn't like lying to you and felt bad. He also said something very telling, which is that he was afraid you would get mad. Yes, fear of anger/ retribution/ screaming is something that causes people to lie sometimes.
My question is, just how much are you trying to control him? Is he supposed to only engage in activities that you approve of? If he enjoys doing something and you don't like it is it really fair for you to DEMAND he no longer do it?
Again, really need to know what specifically he did that you dont like, that he subsequently lied about.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 September 2015):
 If you do something that you know your partner is not going to approve of, lying is for their own benefit and not that of not wanting to upset the other. if you want for better words- covering their arse. If they didn't want to cause upset why do it in the first place?. This is just and excuse to lay his choices at your feet blaming you as the reason. Without knowing what the lie entailed it is a bit hard to make any further comment. Because " Honey , I know you told me not to spend $200 on flowers for your Birthday, but i thought you are worth it so I did anyway" is a lot different than " Honey, I know I promised your I would not cheat on you again, but oops..I did it again"
...............................
|
