A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfred are very close, we are like best friends and I love her, i would do antyhing for her and do not want to see her get hurt. I have made three mistakes with my girlfreind. The first time before we got together I told my girlfreind I wasnt a virgin but I was, before we did anything she found and she got real angry that i had lied, she wouldnt speak to me for 3 weeks. During the time we broke up i revealed her secret that she had been sexually abused as a child by her father to a friend (not in a nasty way, i was just very upset at the time and needed somone to talk to and it came out, at first it felt good to share my problems with someone but then I regretted it greatly). I knew i would have to tell her what I had done, so when we started to get back together again I was honest and told her the truth, obiviously she was not happy, and i thought eveything was over. I needed advice about what had happened so i turned to my mum and once again revealed about the abuse and what I had done, i just needed support, again I was honest and told her that I had told my mother, she has forgiven me again... I feel incredibly guilty for all that I have done, i truly love this girl and would like to spend the rest of my life with her. How would you view what I have done?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 I just kind of think it's weird, like, didn't you learn your lesson when you talked to her the first time and you saw how upset she was? Why did you turn around and tell your mom after that--OH, and the internet????? Are you going to talk to her again and say "oh shoot, that secret? yea dearcupid.org knows, too" ? People who have been sexually abused are emotionally vulnerable, I read somewhere that when a person takes the liberty to reveal to others someone else's abuse it can cause the person who lived through it to not heal properly and can even open up scarred over emotional wounds,it takes away their sense of control and puts them back in a position of distrust and vulnerability, chaos, etc. Think about the consequences of your actions, and consider who you would want blabbing about you and your rape/molestation at a young age.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 You are not a bad person and I wouldn't view what you have done as a terrible thing just a bit misguided. Learn from this and never lie to her again and never discuss the abuse with anyone except her ever again. This is a secret for her and her only to reveal to people she trusts. Forgive yourself and set about being the best person you can possibly be to her and to yourself. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Look at it this way your given a second and third chance, she must love you a lot.
Dont lie to her or go talking behind her back about what she has shared with you in confidence. If you cant deal with what she has told you, talk it through with her.
Most women really hate guys who lie, and when found out you have see what happens. Some guys dont get a second chance.
She loves you more than you know right now to give you these chances. If you truly love her, dont screw it up if you want to keep her.
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