A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I just wanted to ask you all a question: I told a guy I liked him, but he said it's not possible because of the age difference and the fact that he has a girlfriend. Although we are very close still, as friends and have talked about it.He has a personal obligation towards his girlfriend due to which he is soon going to marry her. He doesn't love her and doesn't want to get married to her but he has to I told him that I need some time to get over all this. I talked to him yesterday and I was feeling better over all, and so I talked to him normally and upon enquiries told him that I am fine now, and even asked him about his wedding plans.He was quiet all the while and then he went that he doesn't want to talk to me and that he will talk later.What is all this about? He had no need to get upset.. if I a making an effort here to be normal.. why is acting like he is hurt?Please can you help me make sense of him here?thx in advance
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much for all your responses.i did text him and he said he will be fine after sometime.
i have talked to my mom about it(she is my best friend),and she also says that i should leave him to his condition now..i cant help him anymore.its his decision.
thanks again!
adn jessica..i didnt think of that before..hmm,Gone with the Wind is one of my favourite novels :)
and k c100-i do believe it isnt me he is upset with,but he himself is so deeply unhappy.i just wanted him to know that i wont want to add to his problems here..i will support him through all that he goes through :)
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Well there is no real way of knowing why he has been like this with you unless you ask him! I guess the best thing to do here is maybe drop him an email or send a text just saying that you feel like you are making an effort to be friends and there was no need for him to be upset with you. Ask him if everything is ok and tell him you are here for him if he needs you; and leave it at that. Then you will find out whether he wants to actually be friends or if he just cant deal with you in his life at the moment.
It sounds like this guy is in a terrible situation - no-one should be forced into marriage nor should they get married when they dont love that person; he is taking vows to love and cherish this woman all his life so he will be starting his marriage off with a lie! But if he is adamant he is going to marry this woman then I guess there is nothing you can do apart from be his friend - I am guessing he got upset with you because you mentioned his wedding plans hence he had to think about this awful situation more than he already is and therefore got upset.
I would put this behaviour down to this wedding, he is obviously going to be in a bad place in the run up to the wedding so he will take it out on other people. Try not to worry too much and just put some distance between the two of you - soon he will be a married man and will be unlikely to have any time for you. Get some space between you and focus on yourself for a while, try not to be too wrapped up in this man as you are wasting your time even thinking about him!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Look, he's mixed up and confused. But frankly, it's not your problem if he's marrying someone he doesn't love.
Cut off communication with him for a while and focus on yourself. Honestly, it's what he should have done in the first place, but it sounds like he can't own up the the obligations he has towards his personal life, so you must do it for him.
Just stand back and let him live his life, and go and live yours. Rent "Gone With The Wind". He is doing what Ashley Wilkes did to Scarlet, he won't commit to letting you go or keeping you around.
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