A
female
age
,
*ATYA
writes:Please please can someone help me. I am married and have been having an affair for 3 years with a man who is in a relationship. Both he and his partner tell me that it is sexless. The physical side of our relationship has always been very very good. Recently his partner told me that she had been to a sex therapist as she wanted her libido back. Then I found they had sex one morning. I was very jealous and sent him a viscious e-mail. He replied sending me an emoticon with a wilted rose, saying he needed time to think about his reaction to me e-mail. He does not understand my jealousy, but I have told him that I overreacted. I think he has ended our relationship, and I desperately need advice on how to get over him. We live close, see a lot of each other socially (the only way we could be together)and use the same pub. We live in the country so finding new things to do isn't that easy. I am so desperate to get him out of my mind and life - how long will it take ? what do I have to do ?? PLEASE PLEASE can someone write back quicky, I need help !
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affair, jealous, libido Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KATYA +, writes (6 August 2008):
KATYA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous male reader.
Your response was sadly and precisely what I would expect from a man. No bame or responsibility for the situation to be layed at his door then ???? no worries about his work and effect on the woman and thus the impact on her marriage ??? As you so correctly say IT IS A TWO WAY THING. Perhaps you should get a little more experience of relationships between people before you write such crass statements.
Sorry to write this, but you seem to have no understanding whatsoever.
A
female
reader, happy24birthday  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 First off I am so very sorry that you are going through this awful trauma. As you've already pointed out, it's going to be hard since you see so much of him. Although it doesn't seem like it because you do want to see him, one of the best things I've found is that it helps if I don't see him. I had an affair, too. The sex part was short-lived, but there was a lot of time leading up to that. I still see the guy at work sometimes and around town. It's very hard on me because he doesn't seem interested in continuing our affair, but I would like for it to continue.
Since I'm not sure how long it has been since all this occurred with your guy, I'm not so sure that he won't pop back up again. If things have been smoothe for 3 years, it's hard for me to think that he's just going to drop you like a hot potato. I think that you should first consider if you want it to end, because if you don't then you can probably still hold out hope. But if you decide that you can handle a total break up, then be prepared to stick to it.
I understand not being able to find other things to do, as I live in a rural area and also have a controlling husband, so it's not like I can just go off on adventures to keep myself occupied. I have found it helpful, however, to read (novels and the Bible), pray, and stay busy around the house as well as at work. Heck, I even had to start taking medication when I first thought my affair had ended. Truly, though, staying busy and trying to avoid him have been the best for me. I'm still pursuing him, but I have found that my attraction to him has lessened. I'm mostly just mad I can't have my way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): I think ending this relationship will be good for you in the long run. Try to keep busy and distract yourself from thinking about him and as time passes you will feel better about it. You could try to spend more time with friends and family, etc. What about your husband? Did he know if the affair? Maybe you could work on that relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): maybe you should see a sex councillor and try and sort your sex life out with your husband- theres something new to try out.
at least his wife cared enough to try-
he is having sex with you becuase he loves his wife but gets no sex. but she is work ing on her issues for love of her husband and it means the husband hasnt left the door closed on his wife whcih explains the act of faith on behalf of her wife.
if you love him you will let him go and be happy, but if you dont and just want to have sex then you need to leave your village or countryside place and start travelling and discovering what you want for your own life, meet your own needs stop sucking on his energy- maybe their relationship would have cleared up by now if youu werent cheating for so long.
find out the reason why you feel you need him so much- why are you dependant. he cant give you real real love that your looking for- you both just trying to fill in gaps and its not healthy.
for the love of god and for the love off all and yourself go experience life- the world is far bigger than you or this guy.
theres space in this world so we can move to a new one.
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