A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I wanted to find out if i could have some good advice on an issue i have currently with a boyfriend. We have been dating since March 08 and seeing eachother about once every 2weeks to a week at the begining minus two, two week hols he has had. I am unhappy as he has never mentioned anything about whether we are "going out" or in a commited relationship. I had waited for about 5months before we had sex and bought up the subject of where we were going and asked whether he had feelings for me about 2 months ago, as all this time he has never mentioned anything(apart from saying he cared for me and liked me once!) He says things (very rearely) about future plans and i have never met his friends or family we also have never planned a good day out or weeknd away etc. We generally go for pub lunches and one meal not too long ago or chill at his/mine. His talked to his friends about me/ tells me he misses me and that his had dreams about me. But I am fed up of waiting for him and i ambecoming very attached to him, but if i ever bring up a subject about feelings whether expressing good or bad (which i rarely dare to even do!) he seems uninterested in the convo and changes the subject. recently we have been seeing eachother without fail once a week and every time we saw eachother we have always had a good time. The last week i saw him he texted me every day that week(which is unlike him). We met on the sunday , that sunday I was really in a foul mood and feeling awful i tried to hide it but i think he could tell. I made a few mistakes that time and think we both felt it was a not-so-good/enjoyable evening spent together. Since then my calls and text havent been returned for 3weeks(two texts and two phone calls from the weds-thurs). I thought it was so cruel and rude to ignore me for that long it was as if i will be there for him, waiting. He has text since saying sorry and hoping i was ok. he has text me a few times since that, but by the 3rd text i have notreturned any. I want him to know this is unnaceptable behavior. I will ignore him for how everlong it takes, infact I want to meet someone new but at the same time if he could show me commitment or just be there for me. I would be more than happy with him, (I really have strong feelings for him and have waited so long now!)but he seems to treat me as if I am not serious girf material. Yet he does show strong feelings for me and we both do really get on well/compliment eachother. Im not sure how to tell him or if i should atall. I have already tried to tell him 2weeks prior that i need him to show more effort and to phone me (or at least pic up the phone when i call) and he just listened but didnt agree. Just said he doesnt need to talk on the phone and he doesnt "do" telephone talk to anyone. I said i need that in a relationship,and how it felt when i didnt hear from him. I didnt threaten him though, as I dont want to make demands and if he didnt call me it would mean that id have to follow through and split with him. Im not sure what to say or do. I dont want to scare him off but at the same time I cant be treated like this. I think we have been dating soo long now and he should know wether he wants me or not by now everything was moving slowly but surely upuntill he dissapeared for 3weeks. This has angered me and completely changed things now. I cant trust him and feel used. Please help! Thank you.Emma
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Sorry luv, but I think he was just in it for the sex and you were hoping for more. There are other fish in the and it's time for you to cast your net and toss this tadpole back. xoxox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): You said it yourself in your question. You are afraid to give him an ultimatum because you may have to follow through on it! I'm sure he senses this, "Good Ol Emma will be there for me no matter what!" You have the right to ask him questions and let him know your needs. But you also need to show him you mean business and your not going to be treated like a door mat! Stand up for yourself! Take the risk of "scaring him off" If he stops calling you, he wasn't worth the effort and the pain!!! You deserve better and you won't find him if you're sitting home waiting for this guy to call! Don't waste another minute sitting at home...go out and make your own destiny!
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