A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Im 22 yrs old and my girlfriend is 21 yrs old. We got into a relationship for a year already. We are both willing to explore each other body and practice safe sex. However, we are concerned about whether we should wait until marriage. For us, we have no rush for sex but we also have no plans of marriage for another 5 years. Do you think it is the right thing to engage in? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2015):
 It depends !
Your question would not make too much sense in the Western world and I can't answer you the same way I'd answer to a Western guy.
I assume that you come from a religion / culture / society that puts a prize on virginity and disapproves of premarital sex. How much do you embrace and believe these values you have grown up with / are surrounded by ?
If you honestly in your heart believe that yes, abstaining until marriage is a good , commendable thing, and are just feeling the normal, healthy hormonal pull of physical attraction, I'd tell you : wait. Use all the self control you have got , grit your teeth :) and avoid temptations (keep your dates as public as possible, avoid comfy secluded spaces where " one thing will lead to another " etc. )
Again, for me personally this course of action would not make much sense and this is not the advise I'd give my son- then again I also believe it makes even less sense to betray values and traditions which you approve and are proud of, in favour of "fun " , " curiousity " and fleeting physical pleasure. Or, even worse, to be " modern " or to copy your friends.
If, instead, you do NOT identify yourselves with the things you have been taught in term of sexual behaviour, and you think in fact they are a crock of bullshit which you have to put up with just in order to not rock the social boat, the answer is : go ahead. Be safe ( use contracception always ) , be discrete , and enjoy.
BUT : with an important proviso here too. Again, it depends. Use logic and don't be selfish. 5 years is a long time, and thing change fast at your age. You may love each other crazily... and still you may end up NOT married in 5 years , or in fact, broken up much sooner than that ( Sorry , but it's true ).
Then, what happens to her ?. If she is Muslim or Hindu, for instance, she may get in trouble. Not in BIG trouble as in other countries, perhaps , but she may not find a suitable partner, and be rejected as a future wife. She may be socially ostracized if people knows or suspect she " has a past ", she may clash with her own family or be disowned, according to how conservative they are.
Unluckily, as always , the unpleasantness deriving from a sexual conduct deemed imprudent by society will all affect the girl , not the guy. And while " having a reputation " in , say, Manhattan, or Milan, won't mean anything at all in practice, in other places and social contexts it may cost the girl the possibility of having a normal social life or to get the jobs she wants.
So : THINK first ( I know it's difficult, at 22 :) - then act consequently.
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