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writes: I have been in a relationship with a truley amazing guy..he's a gentelman, he's thoughtful,he cares about my feelings and unbelievably sweet..he's just an all around really good boyfriend and were in love. We've been together just a little over three months now and things are going great. Before me, he had a girlfriend of about 2 and half years that was cheating on him with one of his friends in his own band for about half the time they were together. They broke up because of this and we started going out a couple weeks later. He's convinced me that he's completely over it and totally in love with me and that "im so much better than her in so many ways". I know you might quickly get assumptions about him but its hard for anyone to know what exactly goes on in someones relationship besides the two people who are in it. But i tell you that I honestly do think he is over it and were both very involved with eachother and have a healthy relationship. Now to my question. Since they were together so long I cant imagine how many pictures of eachother they have and that's ok..whatever. But he was looking through a photo album yesterday to find baby pictures of himself to show me and I spotted a couple of pictures of her in there by herself.(I dont think he knows I saw, because I wasnt sitting down and looking with him) That same night I saw a prom picture from her highschool under a couple notepads on his coffee table in his room, that had'nt been there before. His coffee table is a mess and im thinking he maybe just came across it. Although it makes me think he was looking at it and was missing her or something. But wouldnt you take pictures of someone who did somehting so horrible to you and put them away? like in your closet? or just..away.There was a different photo album i glanced through about a month ago and got a little upset for the same reason. and he assured me that he would take them out and appoligized. I just dont know what to think. Is he just a completely forgetful guy or is there something he's having trouble letting go? I dont know if I should say something to him and act upset, because I feel that I have a right to because we've had a disscussion about it already in the past. Just seeing pictures of her really upsets me and puts me in a different mood for some reason. What should I do? Thank you..sorry this was so long :/
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female
reader, Diamus +, writes (21 December 2006):
I understand exactly what you are going through.
When my boyfriend and I (of just over a year, now) first started going there were pictures of him and his ex in his room. I really let it get to me and secretly worried if he were in fact over her. They had dated for almost two years and broke up less than a month before we started dating so I was really convinced that he wasn't over her.
I never pointed the pictures out, just looked at them hauntingly and let my imagination run over the possibilities of her wanting him back and him immediately going with her.
As time passed, the pictures disappeared and I began comforting myself that maybe he was over her now.
We recently had a talk about her and he confirmed that he was completely over her and told me about how wrong for him she was ... ect.
I really wish that I would not have waited so long in finding all of this out, so if I were you I would just ask him about it. Maybe he isn't over her and just needs some time - or perhaps he just came across them and they really mean nothing to him other than past memories.
She is his ex and nothing we can say or do will change that they dated. However, you and he are together now and you should be his priority.
He knows better than we do, so the best advice I can give is to ask him how he feels.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Hey, I in the same boat!! Only my boyfriends ex lives about 10 houses away. And to make it more complicated, Im 6 months pregnant. She calls. She has stopped by while I was not home. She uses her daughter (no relation to him) to coerce him into keeping contact. She emails his sister,, talks to his friends, and shes even there at the grocery store when we are. He called me her name once and he other day he said that 'Megan loves BLT's'. Like I give a shit. I have no advise for you, because I am just as flustered as you seem to be. I dont know what to do!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Well, for a start i do understand how you feel. You must tell him exact how this all is affecting you and give him it straight. I don't think blokes hold the same feelings for photos and stuff that we do. My son and i moved in with my bf and his son last April, there was stuff all over. We gradually got things sorted. But i had to point stuff out to him. Once shown he got rid of it. If they had family pictures then he put them together in the attic for the kids when they are older to keep. It's all part of someones history. Unfortunately that's what happens in life. The people that we are with now, who say they love us have said all the works to someone else in the past but so have we. I used to eat a whole in me and would leave me feelling sick. I've had to find a way of getting through it myself. Not everyone is the same. I'm pretty sure your fella isn't having a hard time letting go. He's with you and in the future you two will have loads of photos together. I hope you are happy in the future and i wish you both well. Take care.xx
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