A
female
age
41-50,
*haya
writes:Hello everyone,Here is my situation. I am currently dating a man who has been divorced for 2 years. He on occasion talks to his ex wife, I'm fine with that because I do the same with one of my exes strictly platonic. Well my issue is that I found a photo of his ex on his computer. To explain about me being on his computer, he has a game on it that I asked to play and he said it was fine for me to use his machine to play it. I get on the computer and can't find the icon to the game so I go into his documents folder. And low and behold I find a jpeg titled with his ex's name. Me of course being humanly nosey look. She was pretty much half naked. I confronted him about this, and asked point blank to be honest with himself and me if he still wants to be with her. I am not jealous but find this to be disrespectful to our realtionship. She lives out of state, and he now lives with me (we are that serious). He keeps telling me that he does not want her and doesn't love her in a romantic way anymore. I'm like come on the photo, tells me alot. I want to trust him, but that pic keeps coming in my head. I dont' want to keep vesting in this relationship if he is hung up on his ex in that way. I want to believe that he has moved on because he is all in all very good to me. He has even started looking for a house here in which he wants to buy for us and marriage. He of course says i'm over reacting but come on guys! I feel like hey look, be with the ex if that is where your heart is, don't lie to me or yourself. I'm not letting him have his cake and eat it too. So what you think I should, give him his walking papers or what?
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female
reader, chaya +, writes (26 February 2009):
chaya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo: Cerberus
Thanks for your reply. Hearing it from you in that light makes me more understanding about the photo. We all share memories of past loves etc. and photos etc. capture them. I am in complete respect of that, but I feel like if you want to have those keep them to yourself. Create yours in this case on a cd, and store them. That would be fine with me, I just don't want to think if they are still there easily accessible that he is looking at them often. We have to be aware of the people we are currently involved with and their feelings. Maybe as a guy you don't understand how a woman feels on this subject, but we take things totally different. He can keep them if he wants archive them away or delete them I just want to be sure that he isn't like looking at the photos and pining for the past. It is as simple as that.
A
female
reader, chaya +, writes (26 February 2009):
chaya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo: troubledtoomuchPretty much half naked means, she had no panties on in the pic and I'll leave it to your imagination. No not jealous by no means, just think it's disrespectful. That's the difference between you and I sir, you might think it's jealousy but it's not. So judge as you may your wrong. Also this guy is not my husband, so it is totally different your wife is vested in your marriage I'm just dating someone who to me hasn't moved on maybe I'm making things bigger than what they are. Judge as you may but some other woman pictures doesn't make me jealous we all have past, but when you start to seriously commit either get rid of them, or keep them somewhere private for your own personal memories that's how I think on things. Obviously you and I have different ideas on this subject, but don't go telling me how I feel when your wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I was in exactly this situation with a girlfriend I'd had, only I was the one with the photo of an ex in my photo album.
She freaked out same as you did and was very upset, we had a big fight and I left it for a couple of days to gather my thoughts, because to me it wasn't just a picture, it was a beautiful, precious time in my life and represented for me a memory from an important time in my life and had nothing at all to do with left over feelings for her or anything like that.
Long story short, I decided I would get rid of the picture just to satisfy her feelings, because no matter if I had the picture or not it wasn't going to erase any of the feelings I had about that time in my life and you won't be able to either.
Anyway, I went to find the picture to get rid of it and she approached me before I could and said it was either her or the picture, the choice was easy, if she was willing to dump me over something as menial a picture of an ex, then we had no chance at a future together.
Just thought I'd let you in on my experience from the other side and in retrospect I think if I had gotten rid of the picture and we were still together, I would resent her for it. I would have resented the fact that she didn't trust me and I would have resented the fact that she could threathen to dump me so easily.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (26 February 2009):
 You have an amazing attitude about this! Its the picture or you! Giving him an ultimatum should work! And once you have deleted ur pics you won't be a hypocrite, so do yours first! He should have got rid of them when you saw them for the first time! Watch him do it too, make sure they are gone for good! X
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A
female
reader, chaya +, writes (26 February 2009):
chaya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he sat me down and stated that the pic has been on his pc for a long time (years in fact). This is the first time I have actually looked into his computer in that depth. I also found photos of him and other ex girlfriends. I know he has a past as do I (I have old photos of exes stored away on my computer somewhere). The point is it just made me furious to know the pic of his ex wife was there. I want him to delete it, and pretty much the other ones. I am going to let him know if the pics are something he wants to hold onto then he can but I won't be around because he is stuck in the past. I think it's disrespectful. This has made me aware of my own computer and past photos etc. I am going to go through mines and get rid of the stuff because I don't have feeling for any of the guys I have dated in any romantic sense. I'm just furious. I don't want to be furious over pics, but I think him and yes I both need to get rid of past stuff or he can have the past and not me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I also have old photos of my ex wife, in bed with our dog - both sleeping. She is nude, but almost completely covered by the sheets and they are cute photos. They are from over 30 years ago. I discovered them when my wife and I were going through some old photos. My wife also thought they were cute photos of her and the dog and looked at them. We put them back where they were and that was it. If my wife had photos of her ex hubby then that would be fine with me too.Go and leave him and end this relationship if you want. That is your decision and if you cannot stand something like him having "pretty much half naked" photos of his ex wife then I'm sure that other things will show up and be a problem in the future. By the way, what does "pretty much half naked" mean. Half naked means to me that her boobs are showing. Pretty much half naked means to me that nothing is showing that I could not see on a beach in the summer. By the way, you are jealous. I'm not condemning you for being jealous, as we all are to some extent. Just admit that you are and take your feelings from there.I still wish that I would have been a better husband to my ex and we would still be together, even though my current wife is a better partner for me and I love her greatly. She knows how I feel and why and has no problem with it. Perhaps your bf wishes that he had been a better husband to his ex. Believe it or not, that is a good thing if true. That means that he has recognized his faults and worked to change them.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (26 February 2009):
What was his reason for having the picture? It wasn't stated what he said after the confrontation. I would be furious in this situation! Need more details about what he said though.x
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