A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey Guys,I just signed up on this site...so here it goes -hopefully someone can give me some insight.about a year and a half a go i was working for a marketing company and managing reports from interstate via the state managers etc. Anyways in June 2008 i left this position. However i kept in contact with one of the state managers who i knew (on a professional level only). So since June 2008 we were chatting on msn etc and becamse quite close and mentioned he was going overseas for a holiday for 1 month in dec. and by the time it was November 2008 we both started to get feelings for each other and he visited me at the end of November for a few days. he told me his feelings first that he is in love with me, we kissed. i feel deep feelings for him too. after he went back to interstate he had a whole heap of work to do before he went overseas for a month...and still found time to call me and tell me he was really lookin forward to this trip but after seeing me he doesnt wana go anymore.anyway...after a few days later he reached his destination (overseas)...over the period of a month we emailed in the first 2 weeks nearly everyday and spoke on the phone sometimes and chatteed on msn. and then for a week i didnt hear anyhting from him (i thought well he hasnt seen his family in years so he's probably give me a call when he's ready to)....but i had a bad gut feeling inside me and i called him and he was really upset and down and he said his father is having a open heart surgery or by-pass surgery and he has been in hospital by his side and doesnt know if his dad will come out of it. i know he wasnt lying coz i could heart the hospital machines and he was asking nurses how his father was doing etc while i was on the phone. ok well that was almost 2 weeks ago.he is due to arrive in a few days. yesterday i tried calling him on his mobile phone (the one he uses here interstate) - and it actually rang! i was surprised. but it was ringing like an overseas phone and he actually answered! i rang on private and when he answered i got nervous all of a sudden and hanged up :Safter about half an hour i call again and i told myself if he answers i will speak to him...and he answered and i said hello its me - and he was just saying hello helloooooo? and hanged up. it was kind of echoing in the background.i tried a few hours later and this time the phone was answered but he didnt say hello - i could hear some ppl taking in the background sounded really busy.....and then i was put on "hold music". i called again - this time i put my number on caller id showing - and i called and called he didnt answer and finally he did answer but he didnt say hello - it was answered and i heard a man questioning him and asking him which country he was from and where he works....and he was answering his questions....sounded like the airport. i thought probably some officer investigating or something.i hanged up realising he cant talk. i tried back few hours later but this time no answer, i tried calling again and phone was switched off. maybe he finally got on the plane? i dont know.for some reason it looks as though he is avoiding me and politely letting me down, but it just surprises me as he's not like that. the last time we spoke he was telling me he needs me to be strong for him and needs me in his life and he was so down about his dad being ill and he cant wait to see me again and wants to be with me and loves me and misses me. and now this....what do u guys think?thanks :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): It's plain to see this phone tag incident with him has got you confused and wondering and I don't blame you. However, I am going to tell you something, you may not want to hear. Sweety, stop calling him. We can't tell you why he never answered your calls. But we do know, you called him many times and if your caller ID showed up, he knew it was you. We know he's been through a stressful time with his father's illness. But usually when a man who claims to love a woman is going through this type of life difficulties, he'd call her for some support and comfort. He didn't do that. At this point in time, he is not your problem. Sitting around waiting for him to call, is your problem. Give this at least 48 hours until he is home, settled in and see what he says and and what has happened. But don't call him. Let him call you. If he doesn't call, then you have your answer and you will realize that waiting around for a guy who treats you badly is waiting around to be treated badly. You can't honestly say it is anything else.Now, while you are waiting, ensure your phone messenger is working and then go do what you like, be with your friends, go to the places you want to go. But one thing I will say, for certain and I hope I am wrong, is: If it's been 2 weeks since he called you, then we know, you are not in his mind, which could mean you are not in his heart either. You need to be strong and realize you cannot waste time with people who fail to treat you with respect. You may have to face this possibility head on. Don't make excuses for his lack of interest. Please don't fear that reality. What you should fear, is the illusion you try to maintain in the face of that reality. Good luck, hun
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI mean do you think i should just be patient and see what happens...give it a week and if i dont hear from him delete his number and move on? or do you think i should just immediately move on...?
or do you think he just couldnt answer my calls as he was at the airport and busy? i dunno, im upset and i love him but if moving on is the right thing to do then i guess let it be it. i just wish if he didnt want to talk to me anymore he would just say it instead of hiding behind his phone. ugh or am i making a big deal about it?
:(((( dunno what to do, and i dont wana show myself as clingy or desperate...but i just want him to tell me if he doesnt wana talk to me anymore he should jsut say it. even though he told me he is a type of person who will jsut tell someone if he doenst wana talk to them he will tell them instead of beating behind the bush.
but then again, his actions speak louder than words and maybe he doesnt wana say it in case it hurts me.
should i jsut take the signs and move on?
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