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female
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*equilarodeo
writes: Let's just say i have somewhat of a phobia around people. I can talk to them, but i never know what to say and the conversation always ends weirdly... I'm trying to get this guys attention, but most guys wouldn't take a second look at me... how can i become more confidant and outgoing so i can approach him and keep his attention?
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female
reader, rayoflight16 +, writes (24 May 2006):
You need to love yourself before you can love anybody else. You need to learn how special you are. Think about things YOU enjoy and spend more time doing them. You don't need to change to get someone else to like you. Put yourself in positive social situations. For example, if you like to read- go to the library or a book store and start talking to people with common interests. Then you will meet people. The more people you meet the more comfortable you will be in social situations and then you will be more confident in talking to the oppposite sex.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Becoming "more confident and outgoing" is a process that happens gradually for most people. It starts when you become comfortable in your own skin. You are not there yet because you think that "most guys wouldn't take a second look at me."
When I was younger I had confidence issues, especially about my appearance. I was (and still am) thin, like a beanpole. I would not wear short-sleeved shirts because I was so self-conscious about my skinny arms. I thought that girls would not give me a second look. 20 years ago I stopped this insane behaviour because I underwent a complete change in attitude. I ceased dwelling on my flaws and played to my strengths. Over the next few years I could see that people were being drawn to me because of my attitude change. I went from being ashamed of myself to loving myself. I hope never to go back to that awkward-feeling teenager again.
You cannot be comfortable around other people until you become comfortable with yourself. It may require more than attitude change, but the most important thing to change is your attitude. All other changes will follow naturally, and you may get to the point where you love yourself.
The interesting thing that may also happen is that you may not find this current man remotely attractive after your attitude change. When you are comfortable with yourself you see other people's responses to you in a completely different light.
Good luck with your search.
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