A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i am from Toronto and currently in a online relationship with an absolutely amazing man from Florida.We met at a dating site and we clicked immediately after talking for 3days. He told me "I love you" on the third day. i was a bit confused because it is very early to tell someone that you love them, plus i've been cheated on so many times by my ex before. so i tried to protect myself and didnt say it back at first. After that we were talking just as usual and i finally told him that i love him as well, i felt like this connection is special and it was worth trying. We have been texting each other a lot and we've been together for almost three months now. He knew my past relationship was horrible and he said he will make sure that me being with him will make me feel loved, needed and cherished, which i always had been feeling at the beginning.However, he just got his new dream job so he had become less attentive which i totally understand so i did not bug him about that at all. But then i start to realize that i am not in his priority list at all, he's pretty workaholic and after work he would usually go to the gym with his friends and have dinner with them after, then he would go straight to sleep when he gets home. We have been talking less and less these days, only 7-10 messages a day and he would even send me good night and i love you anymore, these days i usually get his last text message of the day at like 1p.m(if im lucky). I have told him that this behavior is upsetting me but everytime he just avoids it and idk y i would let him get away with that.So back to Thursday night, i asked him if he wants to come to my graduation ceremony(i'm 18, he's 24 btw). he seemed so excited to hear that and he said "heck yes! i need to see you and give you a graduation present". I told him that im serious about meeting up, he acted pretty positive about it and asked me what date and he said he will think about it. He even joked abt "does that mean we get married the day after?" Btw, he semi-joked about getting married and having kids in the future and call me his wife a lot. I love him so much i would want all of those with him in the future and i could see it honestly, he is also the first man even who makes me want to have kids and a beautiful family.So now i just want to ask how come all of the sudden he acted so distanced, he works very hard during weekdays and goes out with friends a lot during the weekend so we basically have no communication at all. I just don't know what to do. And since he said we get married on the day after my graduation he went missing until today (Friday until now not a single word) I got upset during that time and i sent him a lot of messages saying that he's not attentive at all and said that i doubt if he still loves me and wants the relationship.I'm just so worried/ confused/ panic right now...Any answer will be appreciated. Thank You
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): No. I say, forget him. can't you see the red flag?his fake. he may have sent you photos and all but unless he does what he says he will, anything he says doesn't mean anything.i understand how you feel. but listen to me, if you love yourself and you want to be happy, learn to let go.you can do it girl, little by little. believe me if you want my advice just send me a message,ok, im here for people who needs help...Been there Done that, so i would like to help ..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 “he told me “I love you” on the third day…
HUGE DANGEROUS RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You say you tried to “protect” yourself and “didn’t say it back at first” how could you even being to think that you could say it back… you had no clue who he was… you had no way to know if you even liked him after three days talking online much less that you loved him.
“We have been texting each other a lot and we've been together for almost three months now.”
So you met him online and have been texting and talking online for three months but have not met face to face yet correct?
“We have been talking less and less these days, only 7-10 messages a day”
UMMM, 7-10 messages A DAY is still communicating… if you have some contact every day that’s a lot for some folks. When my hubby and I were LDR we had more conversations some days than we do now living in the same house… In fact, yesterday I saw him for less than a half hour total…. And we live in the same house!
“I have told him that this behavior is upsetting me but everytime he just avoids it and idk y i would let him get away with that.”
So you have told him that you want all his attention all the time? What did you say to him exactly? And then the fect that he avoids it/ignores it could mean that either he does not know what to say or he’s passive aggressive. You don’t know since you don’t really know him.
Three months is usually the end of the honeymoon period for many relationships. It’s when reality rears it’s ugly head and life gets going more normally and we try to see if our love interest fits into our daily lives.
JOKING about being married and getting married when you have not met.. is just that joking and stupidity… do not read anything into it.
You are both very young to have an LDR with such distance. Serious MONEY and TIME are necessary to make an LDR work.
You LOVE HIM so much? Really? WHAT exactly do you LOVE about this man you have NEVER met, that you text with?
What in the world are you panicked confused and worried about? That a man you don’t know and have not met, is backing off because the reality of the game you two are playing is hitting him?
A person may or may not sound like their picture… do not assume that it’s him although I am sure it is…
You are worried about his safety? Why do you think he lives a dangerous life?
Honey I think you need to start preparing yourself for the fact that this is not going to pan out the way you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): I'm the asker.
and I want to add that I've heard his voice before. he does sound like he is the person in the picture. I also have been watching cat fish even before I met him. I have a lot of his picture and he would send me new ones once in a whole. and I would do what nev in catfish does. I put some of his picture on google search and no similar result. That's y I trusted he is who he claim he is.
And today is Monday already I have not heard a single word from him still. should I wait a couple more days? because I'm worried about his safety as well. I'm just so depressed....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Hey..
after reading your dilemma i have a hunch.
this guy you called your bf is a fake person. meaning his not the person he represents to you.
I doubt if his really going out with his friends, or whether he has a new job that making him busy.
Guys always say, i'll marry you and we will have kids who will look like you thing. that's part of their make her fall head over heels scheme.
the truth why his no show lately because his not what he said he was. Sad but true. Why don't you watch catch fish,the mtv show,you could learn a thing or two from there.
Who knows, when u get to see him in person he might be overweight or completely different from what you thought he was. Its all in the mind..
Its ok to fall in love but you should and must know how to control your feelings. especially your young. if i were you, i wont even bother just keep your options open. who knows the best is yet to come.
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, uzer +, writes (25 March 2013):
While some LDRs work, they can't work if there's a lack of communication. I say you let this one go since he's only coming around every now and then I'm currently in an LDR that started as one, but my mate and I talk everyday and as often as possible (of course the conversations wear down sometimes, but we try to stay in contact and entertain eachother as best as we can) But I can honestly say if my mate was doing the things this guy is, I would have let him go long ago, despite wanting it to work. Since you are expressing yourself well enough and only being ignored and dodged by him, I believe that tells where his heart is. This man sounds childish, and as if he's just into talking online for quick entertainment. My mate began working a while back and yes, the sudden change in how frequently we talked upset me, but we worked things out and came to an understanding in the beginning. This guy is playing games.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 March 2013):
There's no such thing as a perfect LDR, unfortunately, so the result isn't unexpected to anyone on the outside.
The truth about these types of relationships is that they usually don't work and often the reasons seem mysterious because the whole thing was never real to begin with.
Do a search on dear cupid to try and learn more about the issues with LDR's, ESPECIALLY ones that begin as LDR's and seem to be stuck that way.
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