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anonymous
writes: Let me lay out the whole story to you first. My ex and I dated for 3 years. We have been separated now for over a year. I used to be a tempermental teenage girl and he was a conservative college guy. We had our fights, and he didn't like how often we fought and he also didn't like my short temper either. So one day he decided to try and scare the anger out of me by saying that he wanted to see other people, and I guess he didn't expect me to agree. I needed a change so I stared going out on dates again. After a few days my ex begged me to come back, and seeing as I still had feelings for him, I decided to give him another try even though I was still mad at him for trying to change who I was. I wanted him to love me for who I was, and not for who he thought he could change me into. Well to make a long story short, it didn't work out very long and I decided that we really needed to see other people. I was still a temermental just out of high school girl, but I realized that I needed to mature if that was what was a major problem in the most serious relationship that I have ever had so far. So for months to come I worked on putting some length on my short fuse. I went to college and that really helped me to marue both mentally, but emotionally as well. I never stopped loving my ex though. On a daily basis, I regretted my decision to see other people, and I wanted to call him to make it up to him, but I was afraid that he would still hate me. So I reluctantly moved on with the idea that I would never again get to speak to him to tell him exactly what I felt. Over the year that we weren't talking, I matured a great deal and have been able to control my anger very well. I've become a very bubblely person most of the time and its not that fake bubblely that some people show, this is genuine. I am a happier person now. I enjoy life and don't get down alot anymore. I try and look at the brighter side of everything. I got into a long-distance relationship with a great guy, and things were going great. We had things in common, but our personalities had a tendency to clash every once in a while. We have been dating now for nine months. A few weeks ago, out of nowhere, my ex emails me saying that he wanted us to talk again and try and be friends. When we were dating, we were the best of friends, and could tell us everything, and I do mean everything. With my boyfriend now, I am afraid to tell him certain things for fear of how he would react to them. Well all in all, my ex and I started hanging out as friends again. The first time, we talked for over four hours with it only feel like we've been talking for 30 minutes. Our conversations never stop, we can talk about anything and everything. He can even talk about physics with me. With me being a physics major, I need someone who loves to talk about that kind of stuff as much as I do. My current boyfriend is a business major, so we really can't talk about physics... it confuses him too much. My ex and I share a love for kung-fu, cars, art, video games, bowling, tennis, mountain biking, gyros, mini coopers, music, and NASCAR. My boyfriend and I share a love for fishing, cars, and NASCAR. He loves football and I really dislike all sports excet bowling and tennis. He loves golf, and I think its the most boring game in the world. I am a serious bowler, and he thinks bowling is just a game to play when you're bored. We can talk about cars, as long as they are GM. We can't talk about the desing of cars because he oblivious as to what I am trying to say. He isn't very art smart. He's not all that creating either. I'm a crafty person, and I love to share my passion with the one I'm with, and I can't do that with my boyfriend. He loves me dearly and he's willing to try his hand at all this stuff, but isn't love just supposed to happen? With my ex and I, we became best friends immediately, were able to do so many things together because of all of our common interests. We didn't have to work at love. It happened. We didn't have to try and like what each other liked. I care for my boyfriend, but there is a part of me that thinks that we would be better off as just friends. We have chemistry, but our interests and personalities don't match up too well. As my ex and I keep hanging out, my feelings that have been tucked deep inside me are beginning to surface again and I'm more confused than ever. He says he still cares for me but he's been hurt by his last relationship, but he's still trying to make it work out. I want to get to know the new him, and him to get to know the new me, so that we may be able to have a chance again sometime in the future. But here is another question that I have... What should I do? I love both of them, but the love that I had had for my ex that I have kept hidden away for so long is becoming more powerful than my love for my boyfriend. I just don't know what to do. My ex still cares for me, but he has asked me to be patient with him because he said that his intentions for talking to me again were not to get me to like him again, but he's kinda feeling the same way about me. So similar in fact the one time that we were hanging out af friends, we kissed. We are that comfortable around each other. It just happened. Now I am utterly confused because he is now my ex is now sending me mixed signals. Like one day he wants us to get back together, then the next he wants to work it out with the girl he is kinda seeing. Please I need the opinion of someone who isn't biased. I need the opinion of someone who doesn't know me, my b/f, or my ex.Thanks for taking the time to read this. I really needed to get it off my chest.Utterlyconfused, from Pittsburgh, PA
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2005): You have already made up your mind about who you want, but are affraid of loosing both???!!!You can't keep your bofriend on a line, be straight with him or break it off. Asfor your ex, my opinion is that he wants you back and this girl that he is kinda seeing, is just a way to make you desire him more, whether she is real of fictisious is not important, he his using it to his advantage. You sound like you made a good typical teenage couple ;0) Be warned, people rarely change, getting back together might just spark off that nasty teenage girl in you, think back about the issues you guys had. Will they reoccur, will you handle them differently?
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