A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. Along the way I have had 3 different people tell me that he is being disloyal.. I've comfronted my fella about this but he says that everyone is causing trouble and not to let it come between us. I'm finding it very hard to believe him and just lately he makes no effort for us to meet up. He just want us to have a cosy night in and not go anywhere, but for the lads is ok he'll drop anything for them. I'm sure he is seeing someone behind my back. How do I find evidence of this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I would just like to tell you my experience of gossip.
I shared a mutual hobby with a family friend with the blessing of our partners. However, people with nothing better to do spread rumours around that we were having an affair. Now, it did turn out this family friend did fancy me and when I found that out I severed contact with him but the rumours of the affair were all total lies and I was deeply offended by it. Some of us can keep our underwear on!!! So, just be aware that some people are liars and could be spreading rumours for any number of motives.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): There is no evidence needed if you feel he's being unloyal!!!! leave him ! tell him it's over and you can move on to better things. Find someone thats gonna love u and be trustworthy and loyal to you . You deserve nothing but the best and need to be treated with respect !!
I hope I helped you in some way !!!
*~VG~*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I don't think that you can deduce from him dropping everything to be with the lads, but with you he wants a cozy night in to mean that he is seeing someone behind your back.....it could be that he enjoys being alone and intimate with you, and socializing with the lads.
This is kind of immature of him to always want to hang out with the boys without you, but men do need guy time and time away from their girlfriends so they can man up around the men....maybe all this idle gossip is just about that, he may act as if he is one of the guys and free and single around them, but not really mean anything by it.
I think you are not telling him what you want. If you want to dress up and be taken out a few times in a month, then say so. Ask him specifically about what you have been told by others and by whom and see what he has to say...tell him that you know he doesn't mean to hurt you, but this kind of behavior (x, y or z) is getting to you and tell him how he can be your hero.
If you find out there is some truth to the gossip, you may want to reevaluate and decide if you want to break up and move on to doing your own thing.
Sometimes, the woman has to be the one to move the relationship forward, but she has to be smart about how she does it, not by coming accross angry and needy and blowing up out of no where, but by calmly stating what she thinks and asking him what he thinks....
Hope this works out in your favor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): If you are feeling so uncomfortable about this situation then i suggest you put it on hold, or just walk completely away. Why do you think he is seeing someone else? Has he given you any solid reason to think so? You have to be very very careful about believing idol gossip. Unless people have really concrete evidence to support their words then i wouldnt pay any attention to them. But if he prefers to be with the lads and doesnt want to go out with you then i would question him, and let him know what you want and how you want it to be. If he doesnt want to change then i am afraid you may have to be prepared to move on. Life is much too short, so stop wasting it and get it sorted one way or the other.
take care
xx
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