A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question. I am a 17 year old father ( I know don't judge) and the mom is 17 as well. Her parents forced her not to let me on the birth certificate, and now are not letting me see either one of them. My question is how long will this process take? I mean I have to file a petition to establish paternity get on the birth certificate, and then take them to court for partial custody. So how long can this process take? Have in mind I have a clean record and have never been arrested or anything like that. Her parents are saying this process could take years and if that's the case I'll miss my daughters first birthday( which is Jan. 9) I'll miss her first Christmas, and by a year the mom will be 18 and has already said she is moving in with me. So in 11 months the mom says she'll move in with me so I guess my question is will this process take more than 11 months?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): "My baby mama as I guess I'll call her is claiming she is moving out in 11 months and moving with me. So ig I the process takes longer than 11 months and he moves out it'll be a big waste of time."Establishing legal paternity is NOT a big waste of time, it is absolutely imperative that you do so for the sake of your daughter's future to protect her legal interests as much as yours in establishing visitation (your and your daughter's legal right) and child support (your legal obligation and her legal right). Even if baby mama does move in with you in eleven months (and that is a very big "if"), then her parents are NOT going to stop trying to break the two of you up. In the meantime they have still almost a year to poison their mind turn her against you, which they will stop at nothing to do whether or not you fight for your legal rights and why you shouldn't give in to their blackmail. Also and unfortunately, shotgun shack-ups (couples moving in together as a result of an unplanned, unwanted teenage pregnancy) have an extremely high failure rate and it is very unlikely you will still be together by the time you each turn twenty-one. Sorry, but that's the cold harsh reality and so you must have legal safeguards already in place in that event. I'm not saying you can't make it as a couple, I'm saying you need to allow for the possibility that you may split up and so you need to plan accordingly, again in order to protect your daughter's legal rights as much as your own.I won't judge, but neither will I sugarcoat: You've made a huge, huge, HUGE mistake, one that has effectively and drastically altered the course of your life, and one that is going to make the next few years extraordinarily difficult and challenging for you as you're going to have to grow up far too early and say goodbye to any plans you may have had to spend your young adult years as a party-animal college fratboy. Knocking up your girlfriend as a seventeen-year-old means you no longer come first in your life, your daughter does. Every sent you can get your hands on should be spent on or saved for her, not you. However, I will applaud you for stepping up and wanting to do the right thing. Too bad baby mama's parents are such cowardly bullies willing to use their granddaughter as a weapon against her father to pursue their own selfish agenda. Baby mama is as much to blame for getting knocked up as you, it takes two to tango. Good luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Even if it's going to work out between you with the mother you need to be on the birth certificate for other reasons.
Do the DNA test no matter what.
and stop letting her parents bully you. what do your parents say?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the support guys. My daughters mom and I are on good terms and still want to be together. Her parents have been the problem this whole time. We can afford an attorney and are getting the ball rolling tomorrow. My baby mama as I guess I'll call her is claiming she is moving out in 11 months and moving with me. So ig I the process takes longer than 11 months and he moves out it'll be a big waste of time. Her parents have been controlling this whole time and I was trying to be nice an be cool but now they are threatening to even try to get full custody of the baby, so I can not see her. I don't think that can happen but with her being a minor still I'm not sure. Thanks for all the advice and support its really apritiated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Don't believe baby mama's promises and don't believe baby mama's parents threats. They are trying to intimidate you in order to cut you out of your daughter's life, so you need to takes the necessary steps to protect both your and your daughter's legal rights.
You need to consult a family law attorney and you need to do so IMMEDIATELY, if you or your parents can't afford one then Google "legal aid" and your state.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): You are a great Man if you want to stay in your daughter`s life and take resposibility even so young. Do paternity test, this is nto about next year it is about your and your daughter`s whole future. Year will go so fast. DO IT! DO IT! No matter how long it takes. I really admire you for that and I wish you teh best of luck. You are great Man and you ARE great Dad! And do it no matter what the mom of your child will do either.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
DO it
DNA takes a few weeks it's not instantaneous like you see on TV...
once you have that then you get a lawyer and go to court and they could delay it for a long time...but that does not matter...
your daughter will not remember Xmas or her birthday until she is nearly 4 years old...
relax if the mom is going to leave when she is 18, then you bide your time till then
meanwhile do the DNA and everything else needed to get on the BC and get visitation. do not let her parent's scare you and bully you...
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