A
female
age
30-35,
*iamonddoll
writes:I love my boyfriend but he's overly insecure! It's from past relationships that has made him that way. He constantly looks into everything and over thinks things and it's brings me to the point I want to give up. having a social drink together has become difficult now as he likes to argue and show me up! I've spoke to him and said it's killing our relationship but he struggles to stop. I finished it the other day and he breaks down crying saying he can't live without me etc. I do love him and hate to see him like this! Should I stay and work on things? If so have you any advice ? Or do you think I'm in unhealthy relationship and should get out?
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 April 2015):
 You have no control over him. He will not change until he works on his issues and you staying with him will not fix it.
Overthinking things may just be his personality.
IF you have ended it, then let it remain ended. You ended it for a reason.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (12 April 2015):
 You are correct with your hunch that BF has odd behaviors and those "past relationships" you cite are events which he remembers that precipitated his personality disorder hence he blames the events. What I am trying to point, is the possibility that he has a "Borderline Personality Disorder" which is a condition that affects individual's decision making (indecisive), mood flips, insecurity about self, you, others.
Irrespective of what you decide - to dump him or stick with him - I think you should be compassionate and look up in more detail what this disorder is about and compare to what you know about him, then decide if it's worth getting some professional guidance on this matter. If so, set him up to be looked at, and then decide to dump him or stay.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 April 2015):
 What can you do to work on it? It is your boyfriend who has the problem, he is the one that needs to "work on it".
You told him his behaviour was killing the relationship but he didn't stop, and yet when it got to a point where you felt all you could do was end it, he broke down saying he couldn't live without you??
Makes me wonder if he was the real victim in his past relationships.
I think for your peace of mind and mental health you are better leaving the relationship ended.
If you do decide to give it another go, give yourself a time frame of about 8 weeks for seeing a difference in his behaviour, but don't tell him that you have this time limit, he'll be all nice as pie for the first few weeks but if his behaviour reverts after about 8 weeks then you will know you are wasting your time with him.
You need to do the right/best thing for you! Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2015):
 You ask if YOU should stay and work on things? There's nothing here for you to work on! Its all HIS business and HIS problems that HE needs to work on. The question is if you have the patience and self worth to stay, as this will chip away at your confidence and frankly he is pulling you down and trying to make you feel small by constant accusations and no respect for privacy.
You decide if it's worth it, if you think he might actually change. They rarely do, though. And I learned a long time ago that loving someone is no reason to stay in a relationship. Be their friend if you love them so much and can't be without them, but don't be in a relationship unless you're actually happy BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP with them.
I also learned that people move on surprisingly well from someone they claim to love more than life itself... He'll get over it. Staying because you pity him is the worst reason ever.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2015):
 You know HE needs to find a way to not PUNISH you for PAST gf's. HOW is it YOUR fault that a PAST GF was a cow to him?
If he can't do that THIS will NEVER change.
I don't know WHY you feel you HAVE to put up with this. IT IS NOT love.
If you DO care for him give him 3-6 months to figure out if he can STOP blaming YOU for what other girls DID to him or not. If he can't I'd walk.
Personally, I could not date a guy like this.
...............................
|
