A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my grandpa was an alcoholic, as was his brother and they almost split up our family and made my grans life a misry. my grandpa is now recovered and the family is getn on well. my parents always like to drink too. they dnt get drunk all the time but when they go out they dnt no limits and always get legless. they call me names and shout at me and things. as soon as they take one drink i think to myself 'im in for a night of hell' n they moan at me saying im a party pooper and ruin everyones fun and things. i get really angry when they are drunk. i feel like they have a disease and i dnt want them touching me or speaking to me. i hate them so much then. altho sometimes i feel sorry for them and want to help them when they are too drunk. i was never a social person. i dnt drink myself because of these thngs and how i dnt want to b like the rest of my family. so now im goin to university and goin out at night. im starting to get problems. iv found im not too bad with drunk ppl i dnt mind them. i dnt mind my friends drinkng. but im startn to get into a relationship and it hurts me when he goes out and drinks. as soon as someone i love starts drinking i get reli upset about it. i no this guy isnt loud or anything when he drinks. he doesnt get drunk he nos his limit.he doesnt change personality either but when he tells me hes goin out drinkn or has been drinking i feel replused upset and angry. hes such a lovly guy and i feel like as soon as he drinks its like poison enterin his body and he becomes impure and a waste of a good guy. i find it so hard to not get upset. i cry about it when he does. i feel like i dnt want him drinkn n becomin an alcoholic (tho i no he wont) and that hes damaging himself by drinking and i dnt want him wrecked. he looks so innocent and like a child and i hate it. i feel like drink ruins him. i no these feelings stem from parents and familys alcohol abuse. i cant control my feelings toward it. i no my bf isnt doin anything wrong in drinking. hes responcible but i cant help this anxiety over it. it really really hurts me i get so worked up and upset to the point im afraid i dnt no if i cud make the relationship work if im so unhappy when he wants to go out.hes understanding tho. iv spoken to him about it and he told me he doesnt need to drink anyway, he said he will only drink if he is with me so i can see that he is ok and not being stupid. but he shouldnt have to do that. i should just b fine with drink. what do i do? this is such a big problem for me. please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 November 2007):
I have been in a similar situation before. I like you, have seen alcohol destory people and relationships. So its only natrual really to fear what it may do to your bf. But like you said yourself, you trust him that he knows his limits and you know that he doesnt do stupid things when he drinks.
I think what you need to do here is try self positive talk. Everytime a negative thoguht comes into your mind, analyse it. Ask yourself why are you worried? What are the chances of what you fear coming true? And can you control it? If not, then try to forget about it. If you do have some control over it then take control.
Spending more time with your bf when he drinks and also when he doesnt may also help the situation. If you get to be around him alot more when he drinks, to see what he likes, this may improve the trust. I think the fact that your bf said he doesnt have to drink shows he has a good charactr- he is willing to give it up so you dont feel so anxious. Its not 'right' or 'wrong' for him to give it up- if he truly wants to then thats good.
Perhaps you could also try tlaking to a counsellor who could maybe help you deal with your families drinking issues? Maybe once you have been able to deal with that, you will be able to finaly get through this.
Hope it works out for you :) PM if you want
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