Pasionless relationship after having a child

A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been fairly happily married for the last 8 years and my wife and I were together for 5 years before that, so we've been together for a long time. We got along really well when we started out, we both studied the same things at University and had similar interests. Then things changed, I found myself pursuing a career in a different area and my wife's career started 'branching off'. She has achieved more successes than I have, and so we moved interstate to help her career, it was a really great job with an excellent salary, totally suited her. I gave up a well paid job as a private school teacher (I wasn't completely happy with it) to follow her and found myself unemployed and scraping a living for the last three years. Now she has gone back part time, I managed to get a part-time job and we've had a child and we generally put up with (I was going to say 'hate' but I don't think it goes that far, although sometimes we say we hate each other) each other and only pretend to be loving for our 1 year-old son. We both know that it's not working, but neither of us can afford to move out so we just 'stick it out'. I don't want to leave my son and I want to be a part of his life every day. I look after him two to three days a week while my wife works, if I left I might not be able to see him everyday and that would break my heart. I also don't think she would cope with him on her own, she has had chronic fatigue in the past and still has difficulty, especially with the sleep deprivation that comes along with having an energetic toddler who is already walking and climbing by himself and who is going through teething, illnesses etc. As for the sex, we have it once a month if we're lucky, it was already becoming less frequent before my son was born. I've seen a prostitute once over the years but never had an affair. I also go through stages where I spend money on webcam girls. I know this is cheap and trashy, and its really just an escape, not a replacement for our loving making. At other times I will immerse myself in work or get addicted to some stupid computer game and play in secret at night. I know I'm a coward for staying, for loving my son too much, for paying for sex as a married man. I feel trapped, I feel ungrateful, I feel guilty about all I have just told you. I feel selfish for wanting a happy relationship, and that I should just put up and shut up. I know this is not really a question, more of a rant or a whinge. I don't expect any answers I just needed to say this somewhere.

View related questions: affair, cheap, married man, money, moved in, prostitute, trapped, university

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A female reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2011):

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 November 2011):

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