A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner now for 6 years and in june of last year we split up. We were apart for about 12 months..... I had a couple of relationships in that time nothing serious and he also had a brief relationship with someone. During the time apart my ex was going through a difficult time, he was with his friend when he died and after that went on a downward spiral. He was drinking constantly about 10 pints at least a day and also began taking drugs. I was really worried about him and still loved him but I couldn't be with him after the way he was treating myself and our 4 children. In may of this year I had a termination after I got caught one time with this man I was seeing.... I realised I couldn't keep the child as it would have made life impossible for myself and my children. I also didn't want to hurt my ex and he was still in a bad way and hurting a lot and the man I was seeing basically offered to pay for a termination for me and blamed me for getting pregnant. Me and this man split very shortly afterwards and I'm glad that I have nothing more to do with him. 4 weeks after I had my termination I found out that this girl my ex had been seeing briefly before was 5 months pregnant. I was absolutely devastated and I couldn't stop crying. I spoke to my ex and told how upset I was at finding out and how he didn't tell me, he said he was scared of telling me as he still loved me and it was a mistake as he was drinking all the time and didn't really realise what he was doing. I can understand this as he really was in a bad way especially in the brief time he saw this girl which lasted about 8 weeks. Before I found this out me and my ex began to start working things out slowly which devastated me even more. Her and her family on the day I found out turned up at my door with nothing but lies about my ex saying that he was with her all along, that he loved her etc and that he was going to give our kids things to her which I know is a complete lie as he would never do this. Anyway she kept saying he wanted her to have a girl etc just to upset me as I have 4 boys... again I know he wouldn't say that! He was gutted when he found out she was pregnant and told her he didn't want it... he was honest that although it was bad of him, he didn't want a baby with her. We have since got back together and I really do love him and will stand by him, we have 6 years and 4 children together. This girl has since had a baby girl and her family have been making comments about my partner on a social network and it's upsetting me a lot. How can we try as a couple to get through this? I will not let them come between us, he still wants nothing to do with them and if you knew the family you would understand why! I understand his reasons and how he feels but this is really difficult for me to get though that this woman has his child.... I'm currently 5 months pregnant and it's starting to upset me and I don't want it to affect my pregnancy... has anyone got any advice as to how I cope?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): unfortunatly i think this bloke can say "he want's nothing to do with the child" as everyone has there own right to do what they want (maybe the family arn't people he wants to be linked to) so maybe just give the guy break as none of us know him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): You need to except that he has a child with another girl. This is easier said than done but it is fact. He needs to take responsibilty for this child. If it is his! and you both need to build upon your relationship.
You didnt say why you had broken up in the first place but have you both dealth with those issues???? Something must have went wrong even before his friend died (peace be with him) but you both sound like you have many issues to deal with. Does your ex still drink? Does he give you emotional and psycial support? Have things improved between you both since getting back together?
Another child on the way must also be putting strain on your relationship. Remember these children are all related now and it really does need to be excepted. He cannot just say that he wants to have nothing to do with the child as he ALSO created it. The family must be annoyed with him, which I think is understandable and he does need to man up to his 6 children!
As for you, You need to stay focused on your 5 children and let him deal with the other part of his life until you are strong enough to get involved. That part of his life is his life and your childrens life and to some point yours but you have bigger things to deal with. Just remember that you are with the man you love, you are with your children father and focus on creating a happy home as possible.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 When people sleep around, this is what happens and why its not a good idea to have more than one sex partner.
No easy answer for this. But the parents of that girl are very wrong to do this. She could have protected herself and she didn't. She is half at fault of course.
You might need to have a family talk about this with your family and his family and I hope you can all find a solution that works for everyone. The children of all are the ones who suffer the most.
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