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anonymous
writes:
My partner and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now, and we moved in together 16 months ago.
He has never been one to show affection very readily, but recently things have gone downhill drastically. Three weeks ago he was on a downer and he told me that I infected him with negativity, and it broke my heart. The following day, he behaved like nothing had been said and that everything was fine.
He has never been able to tell me he loves me, although he says he does, he just cannot say the words. If I want a kiss or cuddle I have to ask him for it. I love him with all my heart and tell him often, but I find myself starting to question our relationship.
I think that I want to believe that one day he will come home from work and throw his arms around me and tell me he loves me, but I am starting to think this will never happen.
Since his comments 3 weeks ago, I have given him the space he requested, but now I get no affection, not even a kiss before bedtime or before he leaves for work.
My heart is breaking, I don't want to give up on something that has been so good in the past, but I really don't feel loved by him right now. Do you think I'm fooling myself by hoping for a change in him? I just don't know what to expect or what to do next.
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female
reader, Lonely31  +, writes (1 June 2010):
Wow, I was thinking that I was the only one going through this kind of thing and I'm not. I'm going through the same exact thing and I when I was reading your story, it was almost like you were me. I'm at a point where I feel like he doesn't love or care about me and if he doesn't want to show me or give me the love and affection I deserve, then someone else will because I know I'm a good woman, I cook for him, fix his plate and I take it to him along with a drink and all I get is a thank you. He hasn't touched me in about 2 months and the times that he has, it's only when he feels like it and I want to get something started he tells me he's not in the mood or wait till later so I'm basically at my ending point with my so call relationship because I don't feel like it's a relationship anymore. I hope you can work yours out!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): maybe you are just not the one for him but anyways, i am reading this 4 years into the future and am dying to find out how it turned out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): i have just read your story and it was really weird because my partner is exactly tha same over and over again i ask him to jus cuddle me without me having to ask but to this day still nothing we been together 3 years and have just got a house after selling our flat 6months ago. i know how you feel so if you find out how what to do let me know please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Hya im goin through the exact same problem as you are, iv givin him a second chance iv said to him hes got a month to change his ways, wev got a 14month old little boy together, its hard but i think everyone deserves a second chance. hope its helped u wt 2 do xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I am in a similar relationship and have been for the last 16 months. I find that I often expect my partner to be my only happiness....that must be very hard for him. I know I play a big part in him pulling away from me, I become too obsessive and needy. One thing that I have learned is to sometimes let go and let me be the focus of my own attention...when I do this I find that he'll make some extra effort and meet me half way. I do the opposite of what I would normally do to get the desired effect, for him to come to me. Sounds crazy, I hope I am making sense.
It's not always the other person or your partner there is something wrong with....I'm not meaning to say that you should ignore your own instincts and take all responsibility for all the problems. But there is a fine line. The easy way is to blame the other person. Just always remember that it takes two to tango.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): I doubt he will change. I'm in a relationship right now that I am so unhappy in, yet, for 3 years I've been hoping he'll change. NEVER EXPECT THEM TO CHANGE. Don't wait 3 years, I know I should leave but haven't and really don't know why. I love him to death but things will never change. Please don't short change yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2005): It's very sad, because you deserve affection like everyone else; not continuous mindgames and chilly closed doors. I would be very curious on how he dealt with any prior relationships, and how these may have turned out in the past. Is it a sad personality quirk, a bout of depression, or is he keeping something deeper from you? If he is saying you are giving him negativity, (whether imagined or not)I would calmly ask him to be very specific, so you can help do your part in rectifying the situation. It already sounds like you have given him ample space.What's his style of responsive communication by the way? Perhaps write him a long upbeat love letter, and stick it under his pillow. Or write on a few post-it notes, and stick it on his mirror when he shaves in the morning, or in his lunch when he leaves for work. Be it a few heartfelt words, a joke, or a meaningful quote. Compliment him often on what he is wearing. Refuse to get into an argument with him. Smile a lot, and be as cheerful as you can, but not smothering. At any rate, if he is on a downer for any reason, he needs some major cheering up.I know it's a long shot, but maybe a cute lovable pet may open him up and bring you closer. It would be something special you could share together. Animals can be some of the greatest healers. eg. When he is a little more on the receptive side. Give him a night to remember! Cook him his favorite evening meal. Then run him the most luxurious, relaxing bubble bath. Body massage him by candle light for a half-hour straight, in sexy lingerie of his favorite color. Very soft music, minimal talking. {Neo soul singer Remy Shand would be a great pick!} Now for the best part, relax with that warm, adorable little pet together, between the two of you, turning the lights down low, off with the cells, and watch the most romantic movie ever made..."When Harry Met Sally*. Then near the end of the movie, when hopefully the dog will now be sleeping soundly on his lap...close your own eyes (whether sleepy or not) falling onto his broad shoulder ever slowly, then sinking naturally deeper and deeper into his chest and arms. If he thinks you are sleeping, he may explore you more..touch you more freely...feel your warmth. Consistent creative baby steps, just might see you through. So plan to have some simple fun together, keeping things light. You just never know what could work in the end! I would go this route first...Then if you have sincerely tried to be everything you can be to him, and there still is no effort or change on his part...then you really have to have a heart-to-heart talk with yourself and re-evaluate what it is you really need and deserve out of life. Wishing you the best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
I am sorry to say, there is no way to sugar coat it, he's either thinking of being involved with someone or, is already cheating.
If you want to keep this relationship, do not, I repeat, do not ask him or beg him to say what is wrong, believe me he will and there will be no turning back. Because, once he replies your relationship will never be the same
Go on as if 'nothing 'is wrong and try to keep upbeat and keep yourself attractive and willing to be his true partner.
Good luck to you
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005): I am going through a similar relationship, and have evaluated what is happening and had to make a major decision. It is difficult, but giving space can also be letting go. Sometimes we feel it will nourish, but in actual reality it is making you draw further apart.
If there is no response from him over this 3 week or more period of time, then he obviously has his mind somewhere else. Do you want to continue in misery and have unanswered questions? It is not fair to you and there will "always" be that doubt hanging in the relationship.
You are your own best friend. Make a list of the pluses and minuses in the relationship that target to him only. Look over it real good and then think about what is best for you. If he is not willing to discuss why he is acting this way now, then he never will.
Being left with unknown answers is very hard, but you have to think about your happiness and well being. Good luck!
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