A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After two break ups this year I feel like I need to be on my own but I find myself for the first time wanting to engage in things I hadn't previously. I'm not sure if it's a dangerous mindset that I'm in right now that I just don't care. But I downloaded tinder. Met up with two guys (on seperate days) and had sex with both of them. The next day I felt a tad ashamed but the thrill of sleeping with a total stranger made me feel good. I used protection and everything was fine. Is it bad that I enjoy it? Men do this all the time and when a woman does people complain about it. I know the implications of using tinder, safety issues but I think part of the thrill is the danger. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2021): Hook up with employees of schools and colleges. They have top security background checks. They all have ID cards or tags. Cops make good intercourse buddies too. Been there. Safety first. Don't judge yourself over just 2.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2021): Men do it all the time? So that makes it okay? Promiscuity increases risk of STD infection for everybody and anybody. You've slept with everybody he or she has slept with; whether you use protection or not. You're still exchanging body-fluids with kisses. Hopefully, neither of you have mouth sours, cut gums, or oozing herpes papules. Scratches or cuts break the skin. You may not even notice you're bleeding; because you've been bitten, or cut by scraping against something. Some like it rough, really rough; and they don't stop to ask for permission. They may even ask for permission; but exceed far beyond your agreeable boundaries! Some guys will strangle you, cut-off your windpipe, or stick it where you don't want it!
Okay, I get it! A little defiance and a middle-finger to society can be liberating. When you start testing the limits and boundaries; sometimes a mistake is fatal. Fatal is irreversible!
Even a man can be overpowered, and be found cut into iddy-biddy pieces; because he met-up with the wrong person. You don't know what's waiting for you when you go home with a stranger; and you don't know what the stranger is carrying, when you invite him into your home. He now knows where you live, or he can follow you home; even if you try to meet in a mutual spot away from your residence.
Sex feels good; but it's not worth risking your life or health for. Meaningless-sex desensitizes a person emotionally. Promiscuity tends to lower your self-esteem; and you'll start feeling lesser of a person. You'll eventually think people only want you for sex; and you'll lose your skill and ability to connect with people on other levels.
Lady-hos and man-whores think they're having a lot of fun. It's just subjecting their body's to the risk of infections that can't all be warded-off with a condom. You are also subjecting yourself to all kinds or crazy people; who may look hot or harmless, but could just as easily leave you with your throat slit.
Don't blame MEN for how YOU want to behave. You do what you want to do; and this ain't no women's lib issue. Women are just as loose as men are. I see very little difference. You think guys don't get slut-shamed? You just cited men as the standard of whoredom! You claim women can't getaway with being super-casual about sex? Then who are these guys having sex with??? Nuns and angels???
Promiscuity isn't good for anybody. Let love and sex mean something to you, as a combination; and you'll continue to know love when you find it. If you don't feel a tad bit of guilt when you just give your body to anybody, or some random stranger; then you're also losing some of your self-respect. You can call me old-fashioned, or out of touch; but I've had love in my life, and I'm still here to brag about. I'm disease-free, and my head still sits above my neck, attached to my body. I'd rather have sex with somebody who cares about me enough to protect me; and we still care for each-other strongly, even when there's no sex involved. Empty-sex feels good, but then the novelty will wear-off; you could develop sex-addiction, and/or look at yourself in the mirror with disgust. Quit while you're ahead, sweetheart!
Danger is not a thrill, it's a threat to your life!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 September 2021):
 "Men do this all the time and when a woman does people complain about it."
Nope. People don't "complain" about it because it's a woman doing it. The ONLY real difference here is that for a MAN to hook up with a stranger (woman) he is still not AS likely to get into a dangerous situation as a WOMAN hooking up with a stranger (man) is. THAT is reality.
I find a guy who is a "fuck-boy" gross. And so do many young women. A "Fuck-boy" has NO value besides his dick. None. And a woman who doesn't VALUE herself, VALUE real intimacy has little value beyond her vagina to the strangers she hooks up with. Is that all you are "worth" being some guy's warm hole for a little while? I sure hope not.
While I do agree that "society" in general hold woman to a higher standard of behavior than men, doesn't excuse women for not having self-awareness, self-preservation and using common sense. You don't change society by being as foolish as the "fuck-boys".
The MORE men you hook up with the HIGHER the chance of you running into someone who isn't safe. STIs such as herpes, genital warts, and syphilis can be spread from skin-to-skin contact. Hooking up with someone who will harm you is a risk. It doesn't matter if you've had sex once or 100 times. YOU put yourself at risk. And if anything bad happens... YOU (or your family) wants to blame "society".
Society is not going to be able to KEEP you safe. You have to use common sense and even then there is a risk. While I WISH that there weren't predators out there among us, I WISH that women could do what they want to do SAFELY just like a man, but the reality is NOT a wishful state. REality is that WOMEN (children and gay young men) are some of the MOST vulnerable when it comes to interactions with strangers on the Internet or on various Apps.
Society HAS not yet adapted to the DANGERS of hook-up apps/ dating apps and chat apps.
PREDATORS on the other hand HAS! They use it to their full advantage.
There are at this point in time around 9 MILLION single people in the UK looking for love, being on apps and dating sites. For a predator, it's like shooting in a barrel for "prey".
The Police (in the UK, in Australia, and the US - probably also the rest of the World, let's be frank) are NOT good at handling cases of date rape, date violence. Many people don't REPORT date rape or date violence. Not to the app/website NOR the Police. So the "Perp" can do this OVER and OVER. If you think you can tell by a picture or some horny chats/texts who is a good guy and who is not, I think you are delusional.
If you feel empowered by casual sex with strangers perhaps you should take a little time to examine why.
(Just like ANY man doing this, should).
You presume that YOU are in control. That this is about YOUR empowerment. It's not. The men you hook up just find you an easy lay. They mean NOTHING to you. YOU mean nothing to them. How is that "empowerment"?
If this is what you want to do with YOUR life, my opinion shouldn't matter to you. Or anyone else who is saying it might not BE in your best interest overall to sell yourself short. Because THIS is your life. And THESE are your choices.
Let me ask you this, would you want a long-term relationship with someone who has slept with and used a LOT of random women for sexual gratification? Someone who doesn't REALLY respect women. They are just a "tool" to get him off and make him feel attractive. They are JUST a warm hole. Do you think a guy like that would all of a sudden respect you?
There are SO many BETTER ways for a person to feel better about themselves, less lonely besides fucking random strangers.
Think about it.
You don't have to agree. And that is fine. I'm not looking down at a woman who makes these choices, I just feel a bit sad that they can't see their own value as more than a warm hole and ego boost for a guy. And I feel sad that they don't see sex as something to be SHARED with someone who CARES right back.
You have had two breakups this year. Maybe you should focus on what went wrong there and what YOU can do to find better quality men. And learn to BE on your own. Sex with strangers is not a band-aid that will fix past hurts or loneliness.
With all that said, DO you. Just BE safe. Tell someone WHO you are hooking up with (include a picture) WHERE you are going, so the chance of you being safe is higher.
While I get the "thrill" (well, no I don't) you need to be smart.
...............................
|
