A
female
age
30-35,
*rosa
writes:It's been over 2 years since I last saw or talked to him. He wasn't my first love.We started dating when we were 16. But.. I broke up with him because of our mutual friend. She was saying that I ruined our friendship. That because of me, she was going to be left out and alone. She got really depressed. It was very clear, I was worried and so was my boyfriend. At one point she got suicidal.. And then one day, she begged me to break up with him. She was talking about killing herself and how no one would care. I asked her if she asked him to break up with me too, she said no, that he doesn't even know that she knows. (Me and him both wanted to keep it quiet but I told her because she was my best friend, I also told him that I had told her). I told her that I wouldn't, couldn't, that I love him. And she got worse, at one point she almost did something. I told my boyfriend that I knew how to "fix" it. He told me to do it.. Anything to help her. I asked him if he wanted to know what it was, he didn't. After being tortured by her and myself a while, I broke up with him. And then right after asked to be with him.. This happened 3 times... Until I finally managed not to "undo" the break up.. He never asked why.. She improved instantly. Like everything never happened.. And I was hurting inside. He seemed so normal about it (I was looking for any sign of anything but saw nothing, he even acted the same way as before..). The 3 of us hung out at school every day, and a couple of times after school.A few months later, things started to change. They were hanging out together without me. And she even went to his family cabin with him and his family. I found out because I overheard them talking. When I confronted her about it she said she forgot to invite me and he said that she had said I couldn't. It was the first time I skipped class and cried. It hurt. It started happening more and more. Eventually we just sat together in class and she talked to him all the time.. Then high school ended and I hardly saw them while they keot hanging out. They never dated thought, and still aren't. When I confronted her about all of it.. She said it never happened and I shouldn't blame her for things I regret.. I just wanted to keep my friends.. Because guys come and go and friends last forever, right?I've gone through several boyfriends since then. I've used the word "love" with them. But I never actually loved them.When me and him dated. At one point his family were going on vacation to South Africa. I had told him I would miss him a lot. And right before he left, he did something he'd never done before. He sendt me a song;"Run" by Snow Patrol.That song. Has been my one and only weakness. It always makes my chest tingle. It always makes me want to cry. I couldn't listen to the song. It use to get so hard to breathe.. It's the only thing that makes me cry, that makes me feel hurt. Not even cheating boyfriends did anything to me emotionally..It's been 8 years.. Since he sendt that song.. 7 years since I broke up with him. And that song still affects me so much.. But I can finally manage to get to the end of the song without having it become too much.It's been over 2 years since I last saw him, or talked. We recently started texting again. He sendt me a "Happy Birthday" (he always has but I didn't on his birthday and never responded in 2 years. Trying the "no contact" rule so I could get over him). This time I responded. The text message length went from one sentence, to 5-6 full text messages (Think character limit is 160? I'm not sure..). We've texted every day, he never says "good night" nor do I. We both answer when we have time. Sometimes going several hours between. From thw texts, it seems like he hasn't changed.. But he still might have. I know, it's been 2 years since I've known him. And I know I have changed.Anyway.. We've made plans to see a movie.Why can't I get over him.. Why.. I've tried everything. I even managed not to think about him for a few months, but then someone played the song "Run"..I feel horrible. Even if he somehow still has feelings for me.. He deserves better, than me. Yet part of me wants to make him fall for me again.. Am I still in love with him..? If I don't think about it, then it's "yes". If I think about it, "it just isn't logical"/"makes no sense"/"impossible"..I just really needed to get this off of my chest.. Because I have no one to talk about this about.. I wasn't able to make any new friends after that.. And I just started getting friends again.. Friends that aren't guys that want to date me.. It's too weird to talk about this with them.. As I think for most, this would be history.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 October 2015):
 You BFF was a deceptive and manipulative person and you fell for it hook, line and sinker. From what you write I think it's pretty obvious that SHE wanted to date him. She was envious of what you and your BF had. SHE wanted THAT.
So in short you had a manipulative BFF who wanted your BF for herself, so she claimed to want to commit suicide to break you up. And never ONCE did you call her parents? when she was so depressed and suicidal? Never? Nor did your BF? Did you not talk to a school counselor either? I mean, I know it's pointless now - because it was 8 long years ago. But I'm still left wondering how come NO adult was involved. (NOT that I hold you responsible her for or her mental health, BUT SHE did hold you responsible for HER mental health and physical health - SHE made you believe that you HAD to choose between HER being alive and you dating a guy.)
Do you NOW, 8 years later comprehend what she did?
Anyways, fast forward 8 years. Hopefully HE (and you) are different people now. 8 years - from 16 to 24 ought to have helped both of you to mature and grow. So I'd say don't LOOK at him and see the BOY you dated at 16, but the young man he is today.
I think this comes down to "unresolved issues" more than love, actually. It was so BIG for you two back then, so dramatic and you ended up being CRUSHED by not only your BFF but by your BF too. All that drama is NOT an indication of GREAT love. It's an indication of immaturity and somewhat incompatibility. But at 16... everything FEELS so huge and deep, later in life when you look back it really wasn't.
Listen to Taylor Swift's 15.
DO make new friend. DO it for you.
Having friends should NEVER mean you have to "sacrifice" a relationship or love for someone else. This old BFF of yours were not right in what she did. Envy and jealousy can do weird things to people. I hope SHE is no longer in your life.
As for HIM, is he still friends with her? If he is, I'd bow out right now. Because if he allowed that drama llama to stay in his life, he ALLOWED and ACCEPT her previous behavior.
If she is not, the go slow with him, but DO remember this is a NEW day, he is NOT the boy from back then, you are not the girl from back then. And accept you CAN'T "make" him fall in love with you. It either happens or it doesn't. Maybe him reaching out to you is more nostalgia than love.
And LAST but not least. STOP beating yourself up over this. There is no point. You were young, you were thoroughly manipulated, and you did what you thought was the "right" thing to do. Hopefully now, you know better. BUT forgive your 16 year old self.
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