A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for nearly a year. The relationship has been difficult on me and many times helped him and his family out and have been left feeling unappreciated and taken for granted, even slightly used. A couple weeks ago we had a big row and called it quits basically. After this argument we had a chat to sort of clear the air and for the first time I was able to tell him my feelings and he really listened properly. There are a number of negative things about him and his personality but he also has positive points. Now he is saying he wants to try again and that he understands now why I was upset or felt how I did and is going to try to change etc. Now I am 50/50 here. Part of me wants to make a new start over but part of me is just so terrified of being hurt like that again! The relationship was emotional on me and then the split made me feel like a fish out of water-I sat around at home for a couple days not seeing anyone,not eating etc. I feel nervous all the time about if he is there or if he is not. I think I have panic attacks at time. I do not know - but I really do not want to get hurt like that all over again and am so scared. But part of me want to try again, but I know if this happens again I will not be able to cope with the pain - please give me some advise.Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, l.via +, writes (12 June 2007):
 I wouldn't recommend getting back together. It's common for the guy to say after the fact that now he understands and now everything will be better. But why should you believe him if he didn't understand you for 2 years before? Obviously he feels a sense of loss and wants to get things back to the previous situation. So now he'll say whatever he thinks will get you to come back. As you said though, you put in a lot of time and didn't get much out of the relationship. It was a hard breakup now, and you don't need to go through it again. You are still young and have plenty of opportunities. I would suggest that you tell your guy you're not quite sure what you want and need time to think. Don't give him false hope; don't say you'll get back together after a break. Just wait some time, and then see if he's still begging to take you back two months from now. Chances are he'll be over the breakup, you'll be ready to move on, and you won't have to repeat the same mistakes over again. After toxic relationships, remember to take time off and make sure not to be attracted to the same bad guys. It's a common pattern and you must recognise it in your own case before you can have a healthy relationship - whatever that means for you.
|
