A
male
age
26-29,
*ingSilence
writes:Hey guys (and gals). Short sweet and to the point. I've known this girl for a pretty long time, and we're awesome friends. We make eachother happy all the time, and even cuddle and shit like that. But... I've been caught up in having romantic feelings for her, and I dont known if I want that. (She's also shown hints of the same feelings as well) I just got out of a tough relationship about a month ago, and maybe thats whats fuelling my desire for companionship. Part of me wants to be with her, and the other part of me doesn't want to mess up our current relationship as friends. She means a lot to me and I dont want to beat myself up over a decision any longer. What do I do? Thank you for your help and support. Feel free to ask any questions you may have.-G Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2015): Ummm, this may not be what you want to hear, but when faced with a choice like that (and I was a few times, sadly), I always chose the "friend" over the "bf" part...See, from my perspective, I can ALWAYS get another bf (or at least so far ;) ) BUT how many times do I get to "get" or "have" a really GOOD friend?I tell you, it's harder to find good, reliable, trustworthy friends these days...Ok, there were 1-2 occasions were the guys really distanced themselves after their "attempts to conquer the fortress" and I was really, massively SAD about it, coz honestly I felt SO CLOSE to them.But, see that's the OTHER thing- I felt so CLOSE that they were like BROTHERS to me (I do have a bro and honestly that's exactly how I'd describe the relationship).Because they felt like BROTHERS I'd have NEVER imagined them in any other way... Especially sexual way... That has ICKY written all over it.It just feels WRONG. Which is were the term "friendzoned" comes from, I believe? I.e. if you are already a really close friend I can NOT imagine you that way. That's just me of course, but there if there is terminology invented for it, then my conclusion is that I'm not the only one who feels that way.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2015):
 I'd hold back a while longer and cut down on the "cuddling" a tad.
At LEAST till you are GOOD and over the ex. It IS not fair on this friend to (even if not intended)to use her as a "GF substitute" because you are trying to get over a bad break up.
Sometimes the BEST relationships comes from friendships. And other times they don't.
I'd say back off a bit, tell her you NEED to sort yourself out a bit. Once you have more of a CLUE as to what you really want... then TALK to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2015):
Your comment "even cuddle and shit like that" makes me wonder if you haven't led her on to thinking that you have feelings for her since you are interacting physically with her?
Since you have just got out of a relationship, maybe time to take it slow and see what develops. You need to talk to this girl and explain otherwise she could feel very hurt by you not wanting a relationship.
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