A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should married couples really be having frequent sex if they actually want to enjoy the sex?I hear this advice for married couples all the time: "Make sure to keep the sex spicy and frequent." But this has always seemed like a bad idea to me. E.g., if I want to enjoy the taste of apple pie and look forward to having some apple pie...then I shouldn't have apple pie with every meal! I'll get tired of it and eventually be shoving my face full of apple pie that I don't want to eat! Rather, I should save the apple pie for special occasions. I'm now in my 30's. Had quite a number of sexual partners. Would like to settle down, get married, have kids. But I worry what my sex-life will be like. I have a lot of trouble maintaining sexual excitement for a woman after I've slept with her a few times. If the going advice is correct --- that I need to have frequent, spicy sex with my wife...then I think I'm in trouble. Personally, I don't mind having good, infrequent sex while in a relationship (and not cheating either). But I'd rather spare myself now if this is going to get me a one-way ticket to divorce.What are REALISTIC expectations of sex in fulfilling, lasting marriages?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): [Original Poster]Thanks Sara456. I like the idea of continuing to discover things about each other through new activities and experiences together and how that can help sustain a good sex life. I can see that.I'm still curious about frequency though. Is their a normal AMOUNT of sex between couples, say, 10yrs into marriage, where a dip below that amount signals trouble?
A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Wives have to walk a very fine line. They dangle the carrot at just the right distance to keep you on the line. Too much sex and you get bored with the same old same old, not enough and you seek other alternatives.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): If you're thinking that marriage is all about sex, then stay single -- you'll certainly do better in the sex department.
If you're thinking that way, then in fact you don't want to "settle down, get married, have kids." Marriage means no new sex partners, ever. If you get bored with sex with the same person after a while, and new,exciting sex is important to you, then you're rather hooped in marriage.
Kids mean that spontaneous sex is vanishingly rare, and virtually dictate lengthy periods of no sex at all. Either because she's too worn out when they're young, or because they're up later than you when they're teens so you get no privacy.
Look, good on ya for trying to think this stuff through before you commit. Marriage is a whole different animal from single life. A good marriage is finding someone who will have your back through a whole bunch of stuff that happens in life. Sex is one of the things that gets compromised in all that. If you're thinking it can be otherwise, stay single.
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