A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am 25 years old white girl,and just graduated my master. during my studies i met and felt in love with a black man. our chemistry and our relationship is amazing and we even talking about our future plans and that one day we want to get married and a start a family.i never felt like this before and neither he! my only and serious problem is my family. they will never accept it. my mom even told me that if i go with him i will kill her and dad and destroy their lives and reputation and that it will be a humiliation and the end of our family. my dad even threated me about killing him and me. he keeps telling me that he offered so many things to me and how will i do something like this to him.it's ridiculous i know! and it hurts me so much hearing him saying that. Cuz i don't see colours and i don't separate races, we are all humans made by the same god.and now i find myself in very bad situation, thinking what should i do for the best of all of us and not just for the sake of my happiness. i cannot change my parents opinion, but i cannot either stop what i feel and what i want. my boyfriend supports me a lot and he even told me that if he will be the reason for my parents disaster then its better to let it go although it hurts him so much. i don't want to hurt people and especially them, and sometimes i think that it will be better to hurt myself than my parents. i am suffering so much and cannot take a decision...i would really appreciate your opinion and helpthank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): I am in the same situation. I am 31 & white and just now dated my first black man. My father is not going to accept this from me (Havent told him yet). My man is very supportive and wants to meet my dad really bad. We cant do that. My father is very old fashioned and was raised in a racist area, which he then put on my sister and I, even though there were no blacks where we grew up (he told us he would kill us if we came home pregnant with one, or brought a black man home, he would kill both of us). My sister has been with a couple black men and he will not let that go, has to bring it up all the time. He has pretty much disowned his sister for marrying another woman (I knew she was gay as a child, he was in denial). He talks about how they will never be invited to his house, cuz he does want them acting gay and kissing and etc.
I wasnt looking for a black man, this one just caught my attention & I have never felt this way about a man. Even with his dark skin, I still dont look at him any different. I am gonna tell my father that I am seeing a black man & well, if he doesnt accept it, it doesnt matter to me, its not about his life. I have had controlling relationships in my life and dont need my dad trying to controll me too. Even if I break this relationship off he will never let me live down the fact that I have Been with a black man, he will still look at me different, so it will never be the same. It already annoys him that I voted for OBAMA, even though he doesnt care for McCain?? I get to hear all the black jokes about Obama each time we talk on the phone etc. He doesnt even leave that alone, so I am prepared to lose my father. Dont forget he is also judging me, so he will burn in hell, per his religion. :) Atleast I know I wont be right there with him, because I am open minded and gonna be that way the rest of my life! Self taught, because I dont wanna be like my parents...they seem so miserable judging people and their lives?
A
male
reader, Z.Turner.2  +, writes (26 June 2009):
This sounds similar to something that happened to my older sister. She did what anyone would do, she told me parents that she didn't care what they thought and she is free to date whom-ever she pleases. It really isn't your parents business, especially givin your age.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 The choice seems to be your family or your partner and from what you describe there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. However this is not actually the case. Their strategy is to hit you with every shred of emotional blackmail they can so you leave him before you are so committed to him that they know they can't turn you back. They will continue with this approach right up to the point of no return, the day you get married. After that they will tolerate him because if they don't then they know they will also lose you. Life will never be as it was but it will return to a level where you can still maintain a reasonable relationship with them but they will never accept him and there will be times where they will try and break you up but this will not happen as long as you remain aware of this.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Just tell your parents how you feel and if they can't accept it then leave and start a life of your own! If they love you then they'll grow to be more relaxed about it! X
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