A
female
age
30-35,
*ero05
writes:so, my mom and my dad got divorced because he cheated on my mom. then, he had the nerve to introduce me to his lover. then he dumped her, andhe got married to this awsome woman i call my friend. the problem is that i think he is cheating on his wife with his past lover. i found several text messages on his cell from her. i have told him never to cheat on a woman ever again ,or my mom will not let me and my lil sis to see him again.idk if i should tell someone, whi to tell,or if i should keep my mouth shut.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 It is obvious that you are very angry with your father and that is a normal reaction to parents divorcing in the circumstances you describe. I am not saying that your father is a good man or a bad man but what you have to decide is if he is a good father (as opposed to a good partner to his current wife). The reason why you have to decide this is because it dictates what sort of relationship you have with him in the future (regardless of whether he is a cheat or not). You are coming to an age where you are entering adulthood and able to make your own choices about who you see and under what terms. Your mother maybe angry with your father and may not think of him as a great role-model to you and your sibling but she still does not have the right to deny him access unless there is a significant risk of harm to either of you. Your emotions are all tangled up in feeling hurt about what he did when he cheated on your mother and having trust broken. When you are older then perhaps you will think a little differently about the situation (perhaps not too). As for your current dilemma, I think it is best to keep quiet as you don't have concrete evidence. If you speak up and he is innocent on this occasion then perhaps it will ruin your daughter-father relationship forever, and maybe his partner will blame you. You also have to realise that even if your suspicions are right then you may also get the blame for the whole mess - people react in funny ways when they are feeling hurt and betrayed. I am sure your fathers new partner knows he isn't an angel and if he is cheating then I am sure she will come to know about it soon enough. I don't know what sort of father-daughter relationship you have but perhaps you should approach him and tell him how you feel about his past cheating behaviour and how it affects you as opposed to what your mother says. Good luck!
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