A
male
age
30-35,
*.A.S.
writes:Hi there Dear Cupid Forum!As of 6 months ago I began dating a Woman that I am now in love with. She is my first love, I have known her since I first moved to British Columbia when I was 14. We have been through a lot together, she was my Grad Date when we finished Highschool and after that we finally decided to become a couple. I have never said "I love you" to another Woman before until her, I feel that phrase is thrown around to easily. I care about her enough that I would be by her side even if she was overweight, sick or anything else. I find pleasure in her being happy and thats that. Sure it may be to much for my current age but I am just being honest! Now onto the problem. Her and I as of a month ago smoked Weed she had never done it before and was curious so she tried it and asked me to do it with her as she trusted me and was comfortable with it. When she got home her parents smelt it on her and she was honest with them. They made her go on Facebook delete me and then they told her if she ever contacts me she would lose her vehicle, she would not be funded for her College or her sports (Sports are her passion) and now she is also forced to leave her workplace, she works at a local club as a waitress.She called me and told me of this. I know she loves me as much as I love her and I understand her situation. She plays Softball and has the chance to be on Team Canada, her parents realize this and they will take it away from her if they even think shes out with me I see this as extremely cruel and not right. Several days after this happened she went out to dinner with me, she needed to get away and so we ate went to my place and slept together. Her parents are not idiots and they knew what happened so they took her vehicle away (She only recently got it back).This is where I need your help Bluelight, I need to know what I should do in this situation. She tells me I shouldnt try to contact her parents as that would just make it worse. I find it so difficult they think I am a terrible person as I am the exact opposite. I try to put others before me, I give blood, hell im your typical nice guy, im very family oriented and I work hard. I work on holidays and I've worked two jobs as I do live on my own (By choice). I have always made there daughter happy. I was close with there dad (Played Xbox together). I am unwillingly to let 6 years memories be thrown away like this. I realize they are protecting there Daughter dont get me wrong, and please do not think I am some drug user, I simply did it because she felt comfortable with trying it around me.Being honest with my feelings here I have been hurting everyday, I miss not waking up with her or seeing her. We have to talk on the phone so late at night and I only just recently saw her today after almost a month of not seeing her. We gave eachother Christmas Presents and went out to play some pool. It was hard for both of us, we kept holding eachothers hands accidently and getting into tickling fights haha!So if anyone can help please and thank you!
View related questions:
christmas, facebook, on holiday, overweight, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Yes, definitely ask her to this valentine thing. You should definitely fight for her. I think you should find a way how to bring it up to her. You can also find a romantic way how to do it. It really seems that you like each other.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Sounds like you are going really great. I think this is the lady that you will end up marrying. Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (11 January 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
BIG BIG UPDATE!
We saw each other on Thursday to give each other the Christmas Presents we never had a chance to exchange. She had wrote "Love (Name)" on the present am I suppose to take that as love?
During our time together in my room we kept getting into our playful wrestling matches, we couldnt stop touching eachother. We would poke eachother over stupid things, we've never done it before, or we would start wrestling all of that. I hope that makes sense...in a nutshell we just had to keep in contact.
Her Mom called and asked where she was and when she said at my place her parents had no problem. She told me she ended up telling her parents "I will still be his friend regardless".
We went to watch the Canada vs Russia game and it got a bit more touchy. We kept holding eachothers hands breifly and we kept starring into eachothers eyes. It ended with my giving her a neck and shoulder massage.
Before heading back into my house she told me her face hurt from smiling so much. I told her I couldnt hold it in and that I missed her and she told me she missed me to. She mentioned that she wants to do it again soon. I gave her flowers and she told me she had been preserving the ones I had previously gotten her...I think she called it pressing them or drying them? Not sure haha!
What do you make of this? I talked to my friend whos down to earth and I admitted to her. Sometimes I cant understand if my brains telling me to be mad or sad or happy. I liked that she showed affection to me but it made me sad that maybe I just cant ever be with that again.
I remember when we last saw eachother in a relationship matter she told me she was scared to leave my house because she knew it would be the last time she got to be with me like this....should I be worried that I lost that Woman? Im pretty confused here.
I also have one more question, thanks for putting up with me. Since knowning her when we were 14 I have always known she likes the Country and everything to do with it. Well 3 months into our relationship I made reservations with one of the best BC Horse Trail Guides, on Valentines Day I was hoping to take my now Ex on this. I know she would love it, I also planned on driving her out into this nice open country spot, and play some music (I made a playlist of her favourite songs). I then planned on turning on our Song we danced to on Graduation night and ask her to dance. Lastly I have a necklace for her as well as a mickey of whiskey....shes not into alcohol but one of her favourite songs is "Whiskey Girl" and its a bit of an inside joke.
Should I still ask her to this big valentines day surprise? If so how should I bring it up?
Thank you to everyone that is helping out, I really appreciate it!
:D
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (7 January 2011):
Wording the letter from your position i was thinking about where you said that the girl wanted to try weed and asked you to with her. That comes across as you would blame her for it and any ounce of blame her parents would go on the defensive, so simply give your own reasons as to what happened and omit that part. Or better still why dont you let her parents know that you were trying to resolve all this by asking others for advice. You could actually put a copy of what you have wrote here in your letter. That might help.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): You are over 18, there is not very much her parents legally can do.
Unless they have absolute proof of drug use (in most countries weed is decriminalised so that you can have enough for one person but not enough to profit from) then they are blowing smoke up their own arses here.
It's time you both called them out on it. Their threats are empty and nothing will come of them but emotional annoyance for you two.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (6 January 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there thanks for the kind answers Im glad someone understands I was worried. This was the first time I have smoked weed in a looong time not since Highschool and even then I can count on my hand how many times I have done it. I dont smoke Weed anymore and certainly not after this.
Her Parents have there heads in the sand pretty deep. The way she had explained it to her parents is that she was curious about Weed and she felt comfortable trying it around someone she trusted, that being myself, as this was her first time smoking Weed.
I had told her previously when she asked me: "I'd be a hypocrite If I told you not to smoke weed, but personally I dont think smoking weed is your kind of thing".
I have always thought about writing a note to her parents, it frustrates me that she told me not to talk to them as that would make things worse. I would rather do something about it than sit back and wonder what could have been.
As for when I write this note. What do you mean by Word it from my position?
Thanks you two I appreciate the support :)
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 January 2011):
Reading through this, they took her car away, then gave her it back, so there's a little bit of lee way there. They are making threats that they can't keep so you should take advantage of that. Your girlfriend doesnt want y ou to contact her parents, well after the initial shock they could still be reeling over it all and won't listen to you. What i would suggest is write a long letter and explain how stupid youve been. Don't write on behalf of their daughter, just word it from your position, don't put blame on anyone, or they won't even finish reading it. Let them know your plans for the future and how you feel about their daughter and most of all apologize for all this. I can see their point of view, being a parent, i wouldnt want my son's ambitions to be spoild over something like this as it can stick like glue for years to come. You are lucky that the police havent got involved. But you are just like the youth of today who like to try things, no harm done. Her parents might have an open mind to it all when you 've explained things, or they might not, but you must give that a go and see. I can't see her wanting to keep away from y ou as she has already seen y ou. It's always best to be on the good side of everyone though for things to run smoothly. Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (6 January 2011):
So to just clear up, are you still smoking weed? Was her first time smoking also her first time?
I would talk to her parents about it. That it was one time deal and that you are sorry. Just tell them everything you think they would want to hear. But first ask your girlfriend what exactly she told them when they caught her smelling like weed.
Her parent probably got an image of you that you take drugs and have no problem taking them with her daughter. They also might think that you convinced their daughter to take them. As long they will be thinking this they won't allow you to hanging out together. And they can do it till they have control over their daughter( that's about till the end of collage).
If you are the nice guy you said then show them.
good luck and please respond to thevquestion
Ps you can't donate blood if you are taking marijuana ;)
...............................
|
