A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I’m American and we have an upcoming holiday in July that my MIL will be coming into town. I don't have any issues with my MIL but I do miss my own parents and would love to see them over the holiday weekend. My partner is normally out of town when my parents are in town because of work so he rarely has to entertain them or even speak to them. Am I outrageous for leaving him to entertain his own mother while I go out of town to visit my own parents? For reference she only comes once a year (her choice and her sons) if that and I try to see my parents 4-5x a year. He doesn’t visit her and that’s how their relationship is but my family is 18 hours away and I have limited vacation time as well. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2024): Go see your folks.
You ARE NOT obliged to take care of his mother in any way.
I must say that I don't quite understand this sentence "My partner is normally out of town when my parents are in town because of work so he rarely has to entertain them or even speak to them. ".
Why is this normal? Is he avoiding them?
Just a question.
Since he NEVER sees them, you don't have to see his parents. If he were bending backwards to make them feel welcome, you would have been in a pickle.
Anyway, you should not accept the burden for the relationship your husband has with his mother. I have done that and she has latched onto me because she had a non-extant relationship with her some (my husband) before I came along (her responsibility). I just wanted to help them out and before you knew it, I became their liaison officer. Trust me, you do not want that on your shoulders. So, nip it in the bud. If they have problems communicating and you sometimes feel uncomfortable because of that, just feel uncomfortable and let them deal with it!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2024):
 I think this is something you should talk over with your husband.
I don't see the issue if you go visit YOUR family while HE gets to spend time with his mom by himself.
His mom might be a little disappointed that you didn't choose to stay and spend time with her and that is something I think YOU have to consider.
When my FIL was alive my husband drove the 6 hours to see his Dad (and one of his brothers) without me. I just didn't really want to go and at the time the kids weren't old enough to be left home alone either, so he went by himself. Even when the kids got older, I didn't always go. If the kids didn't come along, I stayed home. Because I wanted to.
But this IS a discussion you need to have with your husband.
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