A
female
age
30-35,
*irror of twilight
writes:I've known a guy online for a couple years, but we've been talking intensively and fallen for each other in the past couple months. In character, he seems to be everything I ever wanted, and I've also seen and heard him online. There is an age difference between us, as well as the fact that I'm still studying and he has a work, and he's living in a neighboring country. He has no problem with coming to visit me, but I do. Because of my family.Namely, if I lived alone and didn't have to tell anyone about my actions, it would be alright. But I don't, I have a family that is very closely knit together and I have almost never been dishonest to them (except nobody knows I lost my virginity when I was 16!). I could not bear to keep this relationship a secret. For everything I ever did, I had my family's support. I was in doubts myself about his visit and I expected some friendly reaction in my parents too (I know that was foolish of me), at least that they would tell me they will get to know him and if he's okay, everything will be alright.I told my father first. He was all like 'why doesn't he find a girlfriend where he lives?', 'what does he EXPECT from you?', 'he wants to have sex with you in a hotel room!'. But the very first thing he said was 'tell him not to come here'. In the end he agreed that the guy may come, but I could only see him 2h per day! That is so unfair, he would have to pay for the journey and a room and everything, ONLY so that he could see me, and he gets to see me 2 hours per day?I don't live with my father, btw, only mother. Later I told mom, and she was all fine with it!And now, weeks later, it turns out she was only acting it because she thought I wasn't serious. Would I tell her if I wasn't serious and tormented with it?! God, I am desperate. Because I later told her about the exact date of his visit and kept talking about it, she figured I really was serious and has been thinking about it, and I figure, talked with my father, who must be all against it. Last night she told me for the first time that I am worrying her with this, and that her monthly bleeding started prematurely because of ME.I wanted to introduce my bf to her when he comes so that she would make sure he's alright, but now she says I can't bring that probably psychopathic stranger to the house because that isn't a safe thing to do! She says I can't know a person from simply talking to them. But I do. I really know what's right and what's wrong with him, and I don't mind.And now I am in a state of pressure from all sides, including the doubts in me. I know I have to meet him. I did not stay up to talk to him, dream about his visit, for all this time just to chicken out and tell him not to come! If I do that, I'll never know what could have happened. My parents say keeping a long distance relationship is too much trouble, that I'll meet fine people in my own town and all that... but I'm in love. It doesn't work like that.I know it all, but I'm in love. If you're going to tell me the same things my parents do, forget it. I am a smart girl and I know what's 'wrong' with him, the one thing my parents wouldn't like. He wants sex - among other things. So do I. Isn't that my own business? But I absolutely can't talk about that with them. I've had sex before, I know all about protection. Of course, they know nothing about it, and surely want to keep me away from any risks, as if I would become a prostitute if I slept with my boyfriend!Right now, the most important thing is not to cancel his visit, but at the same time to keep my parents away from dying from worry, or locking me up in a monastery. I know there will be more talk about it, but I simply don't know what else to tell them when they both attack. Support me, please.
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female
reader, mirror of twilight +, writes (22 April 2011):
mirror of twilight is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI return a good while later. I just wanted to say how this ended, someone might find it useful.
My parents knew better than me. I don't know if I should have listened to them, because this way I learned it on my own, but they were right. There was something wrong with that guy. He didn't try to hurt me, but he was not the best of people to be with. He was obsessive and he was a bad person. And he looked much worse than on photos or camera.
If you live in a city with a couple million people, there are at least a dozen there you'd get along with, so don't go Pocahontas! Sure, more and more people try online dating and it has its advantages, but you have to spend time regularly with that person to know where it's going.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Umm honey . Im 17 andd i met a guy off a chat site well myspace andd he didnt look the same andd he got into my pants . I ended up fucking him .Now im 6mnths pregnat and he has done a runer . My point is he prbli want sex . Get a real life bf and grow up .
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A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 i say go with your parents request if you must. keep in mind that online datong os very dangerous. that is why your parents are worried. go to public places with him and check in w/your family. that way everyone is happy
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