A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 23 year old.. i have serious issues with my mother. she's too dominating and doesnt allow me do most things the way i want to. shes EXTREMELY strict with me and in general and interferes a lot too in my personal matters. she has a harsh reaction to most things that dont even matter to most people. she doesnt let me go shopping, wont let me MOST OF THE TIMES buy the things i want to for myself. i cant go shopping alone or even with friends and if ever i do buy something, it ends up as an issue in the house. sometimes she screams so much that i end up crying and having a migrane or severe stomach cramps.. i feel extremely depressed at times.. she is doing and saying wrong most of the times but being her child i tend to stay quiet and just listen as much as i can. Sometimes when i confront her she's always on a self defence. these are just small things, theres a lot that ive been going throgh cus of my moms behaviours.. shes controlling my life too much i need some freedom too, im an adult and getting married in about 6 months.. I'm always scared of making decisions for myself cus i never got a chance to live with slightest independence.. my father is totally opposite but since my mom is too domintating even my dad cant speak up in many matters. this has been on since forever unfortunately.. i don want to get a brain haemorrhage or fall mentally ill.. she never says that she loves me, she has never hugged me, never surprised me with something nice, never gifted or even wished me on my birhday in years.. I feel sad to say this but sometimes i dont feel the way i should for my mom and im worried abt this.. i have learned a lot from my mother and i now definitely know how to treat my chilren.. but please i need to know how i can keep my nerves calm.. im an extremely depressed soul!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 You are getting married and entering a new phase in your life. Your mother is only controlling you because you allow this to happen. It may seem harsh but it is time to stand up for your freedom. She will either respect you for defending yourself, or sulk. Either way you cannot permit her to carry on interfering and potentially ruining your marriage. My mother was a control freak about everything and we have had a difficult relationship from my late teens. The way I learned to handle it was to not allow her too much information about my life. It also helps to get financially independent and your own home. I assume with marriage will come a new home with the groom. This will make it easier for you to control the flow of information to your mother. If you were contemplating staying in the family home after marriage - DON'T - find a place to stay so you can start your marriage on the right footing.
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