A
male
age
30-35,
*Reval
writes:Im not sure wether this is fair to my loved girlfriend or not; Yet we recently discussed her sexual past for she brought it up. In the process she explained that she has had a number of sexual partners she didn't want to give me the number but she exclaimed lower than 24. As the conversation kept on going she told me she's been in a swinger relationship with a guy and the partner she was engaged with as a swinger was a woman. Until one day decided she needed to switch a partner she no longer was satisfied with the outcome. She was also honest to tell me that she used to call her ex boyfriends and have sex with them as a booty call or even just for pleasure, She then went on to explain that while she was in college she also had a fraternity initiation where it was 2 girls and 2 guys having sex (group sex i guess) and everyone was watching! At this initiation.Lastly she has explained that she's had a one night stand and didn't seem to remember much of it for she was under the influence. Above all, she exclaimed in pity that she would have never done any of it if she wasn't drunk, or under any other influence. My question might not be clear but it is as follows, I asked my self if i can live with piece of information, will it make me see her differently? Could i trust her if she goes out to drink? I guess these are more of my personal questions but my general question is why does her actions at the age of 19 - 22 bother me. We are both young one more mature that the other she's 22 Im 21. Thank you for your time!
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booty call, drunk, engaged, her ex, one night stand, sexual past Reply to this Question
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male
reader, iReval +, writes (14 August 2010):
iReval is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you 'person12345"
I do trust my Girlfriend i do appreciate the given fact that she was willing to trust me with a personal matter. I have no issue with her past. I actually love the fact that she has been able to experience what she's wanted to at this moment we are both fighting to keep our love flowing flawlessly. Yet we hit walls like every other relationship but this saga is no longer spoken about, i just wanted to hear the perspective of other women and men. Thank you 'person12345" for your interest and honesty. I do understand and appreciate your time my insight was not that far off from what my actions were when i was told. We don't linger on it although her immaturity sometimes does get to me for she makes it a staggering joke when she can but it's a form of playful foreplay i guess.
Thank you to all your posts if you have any other ideas and or thoughts please do not hesitate!!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2010):
 "Women like sex too."
Thank you! Yes it's true. Me and all my friends quite like sex. Actually my sex drive is higher than my boyfriend's. Two my friends are the same.
In fact recently people have started to realize that once social stigma is taken away women are about as likely as men to cheat, to have many sex partners, to seek out one night stands, and to have a high sex drive.
Back to the original post, would you rather she lie about it? She cannot change it no matter how much it hurts you. It's not like it's something she can undo to stop hurting you. This was before she even met you. From what you've said it doesn't sound like she's "lording it over you." It sounds like she brought it up. She's not a different person now that you know this about her, she's who she was when you met her. This was even one of the many things that shaped her into who she is now.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Don't put her down. This is your girlfriend you are talking about. Your words reveal that you are putting yourself in a superior position to her. If that's honesty how you feel, then you shouldn't be with this girl: a relationship requires mutual respect.
As for trust... without trust a relationship is nothing. There's nothing she can change about her past: you have to make a decision, to trust her or not. If you want to stay with her and create a healthy relationship, you need to choose to trust.
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A
male
reader, iReval +, writes (14 August 2010):
iReval is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo "Sweet-thing";
Thank you for the affirmation of your thought, better yet i understand this but like i have explained to my beautiful girlfriend. Everyones past is different and moving away or realizing that it's ok to move on from such persona is 'ok'. We had a serious conversation that i only let last for 20 min for i explained im willing to listen to what she wants me to know. I don't need to know everything nor do i want to. For it leaves privacy at a question.
Yet she did ask me, what a sole mate was and if i knew what it meant. Personally i was genuine when i answered. On her behalf she said she told her ex-boyfriend that he was her sole mate and that she feels like she can have me as her boyfriend but still see him as a sole mate. She explains that there are no feelings between either. Im not bothered im just intrigued that there is such thing. In my perspective i believe she has not matured and or moved on completely to say that she wants to be in a serious relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): To "Sweet-thing";
Thank you for the affirmation of your thought, better yet i understand this but like i have explained to my beautiful girlfriend. Everyones past is different and moving away or realizing that it's ok to move on from such persona is 'ok'. We had a serious conversation that i only let last for 20 min for i explained im willing to listen to what she wants me to know. I don't need to know everything nor do i want to. For it leaves privacy at a question.
Yet she did ask me, what a sole mate was and if i knew what it meant. Personally i was genuine when i answered. On her behalf she said she told her ex-boyfriend that he was her sole mate and that she feels like she can have me as her boyfriend but still see him as a sole mate. She explains that there are no feelings between either. Im not bothered im just intrigued that there is such thing. In my perspective i believe she has not matured and or moved on completely to say that she wants to be in a serious relationship.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Sadly most men cannot handle a woman who has a past like that. Somehow the idea of taking this woman home to meet your mother, and have your children just doesn't match the image men hold of women they plan to have a future with. It may feel exciting to be with her for awhile, but eventually you will tire of being suspicious everytime she has a drink with her girlfriends (is she going to go home with that cute bar-tender and later blame it on the Marjaritas?)...Her behavior is mroe than a wreckless phase. She may lack true values.
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A
male
reader, iReval +, writes (14 August 2010):
iReval is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your post it was more than clear. I have no jealousy over her past encounter. Yet on her behalf she enjoys bringing it up as a joke or a fostered idea. I've explained that it's great were open but I also re-iderate that it's dysfunctional to make propaganda from it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2010):
How many sex partners have you had? Women should be just as free to express their sexuality without judgement as men. Unfortunately that rarely happens. Here is a post on this subject of retrograde jealousy, the poster Yos has some great insight.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
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