A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi this is not a relationship problem but a family problem I am nearly 40 years old with 2 sons the problem is my mother wont leave me alone I lost my dad 3 years ago she wasn’t there for me or my sisters when we lost him they had been split up 16 years she wanted to be at the funeral when we told her no she caused loads of problems for us all she met someone new and we didn’t see her for nearly 3 years told us she was getting herself a life her partner died then she met someone new who keeps referring to me and my children as our new dad and grandad the last 6 months have been awful I can’t go on any social media without them messaging me instantly always calling me and texting if I say I am out for the day with my kids they keep on texting and ringing me and are always wanting to come around to my house they come round with opinions on everything and sit and talk about people I have no idea who are I also work 3/4 12 hour shifts per week I have told them time and time again when I am free for them to come round but they don’t listen any suggestions greatly appreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 April 2024):
 Sit your mom down and set boundaries and be honest with her. If she cannot abide by your boundaries, limit the contact with her for a while so she will understand that you mean what you say.
If they show up unannounced, don't open the door.
If she keeps calling and texting while you are at work or tired FROM work, put her on ice (aka ignore or mute her calls) send her ONE text - I cannot talk right now.
She keeps doing this because you "let" her.
Talk to your sisters, it will make it easier if you all are on the same page with your mom.
As for her new partner being your "new dad" or your kids "granddad" call her out on that bullshite. HE is not. HE is HER partner.
IF she wants to be part of YOUR life, your kids' lives, she NEEDS to respect the boundaries YOU set.
And she needs to learn that ACTIONS have consequences.
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