A
female
age
41-50,
*ycwoman
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. I realize that over time, sex can dwindle a bit as relationships progresses, but I'm trying to keep the flame alive. He seems, overall, less enthusiastic. I find myself initiating sex most of the time. I've tried dressing really sexy and surprising him after work, initiating blowjobs (if he responds), talking dirty or sexting...but he's just luke warm about everything...well, maybe except the blowjobs. Overall, I feel unsatisfied in bed. He doesn't make a focus on getting me excited anymore...I feel like I do most of the work. I've expresses this to him in a respectful way, and it usually does turn into sex sometime over the next day, but again, he's just not passionate, and I end up doing all of the work, so to speak. I'm 11 years younger than him (in my early 30's). I work hard staying fit and attractive; I used to model. I work (contribute 50/50 financially), cook great meals and do the majority of the house work. I suppose overall, beyond sex, I feel less appreciated. I'm trying to determine a path to make us connect again. Sex and intimacy is important to me, and it was to him until recently (the past few months.) On another note, I have noticed that he's been spending more time taking care of himself. There's a slight concern in the back of my head that he might be cheating or possibly online flirting. It doesn't make sense to me that he cares about grooming, yet not for me. I'm not sure what to do.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 If it's true that sex life can dwindle like yours, then F it I would be very happy being single. No more pills and side effects. Assuming he is not overweight, diabetic or other health problems the following is my guess.
Just wondering if you have more goals than just living together, like marriage and kids. I know that many people don't believe in marriages anymore but still I have to ask. My guess is that he is the type that doesn't want long term committment and is thinking that you are doing all the nice things to get him to marry you, so he is taking away the thing that is most important to you hoping that you would break up with him, because as long as he has sex with you he would have to do things to keep up with you, things that only a loving committed man would have the energy to match you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. In fact you are the woman any man can dream of.
I don't think he wants to jerk off for the rest of his life. I think he wants to find another woman who would take care of him and not expect anything more than a few years.
You should find a man with an intention of marrying and keeping the flame alive every day.
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