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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for 10 years and we have 2 kids. The problem is I can't seem to stay faithful. Over the last 10 years I have cheated on him on numerous occaisions. I dont know why I do it, cause I actually really love him. He left one time when he found out about an affiar and I begged him to come back and he did. But I just carried on cheating on him again, even though when he was gone I really thought I was going to die, I missed him so much. Most of the people I cheat with, I don't even really like, and happens mostly when I go out with my friends and when I have a drink.And I know this is not an excuse, as I am always fully aware of what I am doing. And most of the people I have cheated with, he actually knows quiet well, so how he has'nt found out I'll never know. Do you think I should just finish with him, as its not fair on him and he does not deserve to be treated like this. Please answer me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Everything you have listed my ex-girlfriend did to me. He doesn't know the extent of your infidelity because he loves you and at the moment refuses to accept to himself that you could hurt him like you do. He definately suspects it though.
Why do you do it? You had terrible role-models as a child, perhaps you have even been abused. You are DEEPLY insecure, you have no self belief, no strength of character and you sleep with people, any one who shows you a bit of attention, because you have no dignity or respect for your body.
You cheat on your boyfriend because you can't actually see, or understand, how your boyfriend sees you. If you could understand, you wouldn't be able to deceive him. To you, your body is nothing, but to him, it is part of something special that isn't to share around with the lads in exchange for a bit of attention and a few drinks.
Despite what you think - you are incapable of loving any one else - the fact you live a life of deceit, lies and promiscuity is proof of this. Nor will you ever be able to love until you can come to love yourself. When you do, you will no longer whore your body for a bit of attention.
Should you tell him? Of course you should. He deserves to know the truth, and you dear deserve the opportunity to get out of this relationship and go and seek professional help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Somewhere along the line you stopped using self restraint and self control and decided to give into your sexual cravings. You did not stop to think that in this you were teaching yourself on how to behave; that sex will always be of importance over faithfulness, loving, being committed, being able to share and express, being responsive, being attentive, being compassionate, having consideration for your life's partner.
The same as the person who tells "white" lies, who omits, who embelishes, who commits to lying time and again-he is letting his lies become who he is.
True, pure, unconditional love would not seek out to hurt another by his/her actions, her decisions, her choices.
You know you are hurting this man when you go out and cheat. You know this is not good and nor would you want to be cheated on.
You are in need of counseling to help you indetify why you would feel the need to cheat, why you make excuses-to help your complusive and addictiveness behaviours as well as to help you to prevent and stop this cheating habit.
I say couple's counseling as well and address and be honest about your cheating.
I hope things sort themselves out once you have established counseling.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 My dear,there is obviously a deep settled issue in you that needs to be addressed as it is not healthy to carry on like this anymore. You need to ask yourself "why" are you doing this. What good is it achieving? All youare doing is hurtingyour partner and if you love him as you say, you would not intentionally hurt him. Perhaps it is best if you separate for a while to have some form of counselling to deal with your issues. Best of luck and all the best. xXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Yes, I think that you should leave. Not just because it is just a matter of time before he finds out, but because I think that you need to figure some stuff out about yourself too. Are you cheating because this isn't the right relationship for you? Because you have some unresolved issues? I read into your question that you're taking full responsibility for your choices, but I don't think you know WHY you're making those choices to begin with. It's not fair to him in the meantime, and I think that you would do well to take some time to work on yourself. Good luck!!
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