A
female
age
30-35,
*nxpectedSmile
writes:Let me start off by saying I love my mother but she can be a bit overbearing and over protective. I am 21 years old and she treats me like i am 17 or 18 years old again. It seems like as I got older the worse she's gotten. I don't want to end up being that person who is 30 and can't function socially or on my own. I already have a form of Social Phobia as it is. I mentioned to her about getting my own place and learning to drive again. (vision issues put a hold on it) The look on her face was like i told her i would be moving to Guam to elope lol.I don't want to burn bridges with my mother because i love and respect her very much but I don't want to keep living like this.Watching my friends move on to bigger and better things. I have lost friends and a boyfriend because of the fact that I couldn't go anywhere or stay out later. Now with new friends and a new boyfriend I don't want the fact that I am sheltered to ruin it.
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I understand where you're coming from, Getting out of my mom's umbrella took a bit as I loved her and refused to disrespect her. I took little steps, got her used to the fact that I was an adult but at the same time, making sure she knew I was respecting myself and her. I'd stay out a little later on each outing, but call/text her and let her know where I was. I got a bf but intoduced him and actually talked to her about my feelings, shared some dates we went on etc. I brought him to the house so we (her, him, and I) could watch movies together and she could get to know him. It got to the point where she didn't freak when she saw his tattoo one day lol. Don't take your indepence all at once, give her time to adjust. I got my liscense at 19, no big deal for me :) by then, I'd shown responsibility in other ways. Then, I told her I might move out at 22, after I started working for a while. She got used to the idea and I made sure I told her I'd miss her and meant it. :) Best of luck!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I think your mother is concerned. She worries that you will have an accident or come to some harm in the big, bad world. She also worries about herself - she has been a full-time mum to you for so many years that she feels she is losing a bit of her identity when you say you are leaving. However, I think you should leave (if you are in a financial position to do so). Visit often, phone often and make her feel important. However, you are entitled to a nice life. Learn to drive, make friends, acquire independence. Living on your own won't be as much fun as you dream it will be. But it is good life experience nevertheless and you will get some privacy at last!
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