A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Over a year later, and a few women after I'm still not over her. I feel nothing when I kiss "new" women. The only relationship that I've been able to salvage from dating is one friendship. Two women have "confessed their love" for me since her, but I can't help but feel nothing in return.I'm not "sad" anymore except after we talk, as she randomly contacts me for some reason. I want so badly to believe that its because she still cares a little bit, but rationally I know it is probably just because she is bored and has nobody else to talk to that night.Its probably important to point out that I don't tell her the way I feel anymore, I've tried a thousand times and it is just makes her angry with me. I haven't told her the way I feel in probably six months, so I'm fairly certain she thinks I'm over her. I miss feeling that much in love with someone. The days she gets in touch are sad, because I think about what could have been. I've tried to tell her to stay away, but I don't have the willpower to make her. I've honestly contemplated forcing her to leave me the hell alone, as we only speak once a month or so, but the idea of her being completely out of my life forever literally makes me physically ill. Do I just have to cut her off completely? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): I am a 26 year old male, and I dated my ex for 4 years. Right now I am hitting that 365 day mark when I got my heart broken. My former relationship ended when we were on a break (neither of us said the official words of "we are back together"), but we were still seeing each other every day and working back to a full relationship again. Long story short, she felt like taking a chance with another guy, my official efforts of getting back together were rejected, and I ended up seeing his car in front of her place on a Saturday morning. That put me into an emotional tailspin the entire last summer. I thought I would never get over it. I ended up dating a great girl for a few months in the fall and winter, but she eventually had to move.
Finding that wonderful girl helped me move on, but in reality I was just ignoring the fact I was still heartbroken. My ex started contacting me 2 months ago and tried to get back together with me. I still love her, but I could not do it because of the ultimate pain she made me feel.
I soon found out that she dated that guy up until that point when she realized she still really loved me. Hoping I would still want to get back together she tried with me. Fast forward to last night, I saw them out together. I know I made the right decision now, even though it still hurts. I truly believe fresh love is in my future. Here is my hard learned advice:
CUT CONTACT COMPLETELY NOW. DO NOT EVEN GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO MESS WITH YOUR HEAD. DO NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS OR EMAILS. Most of the time these women are extremely selfish, codependent, and are looking to you to fill that temporary void. There was a time where I was "over it", and that was when contact was cut. You can quickly feel the pain again once contact is opened up again. You must protect yourself, take time to clear your head, and believe in finding true love in the future. If you want a happy future, you must do this. All other break up advice is BS, the only things that truly work is cutting contact + time.
A
female
reader, GUINNIE16  +, writes (25 May 2009):
I know exactly how u feel, im now 15 months after my break up with my ex, and everyday he is in my head. we dont keep in touch. And bump into each other every 3 months or so. After i have seen him i get all sad. He gets all emotional when we talk - he ended it, so that confuses me even more.
Best thing i think u can do is cut all contact i know how u feel, i dont want him out my life completly, but the more we hang on the less chance we got of finding someone that deserves us
Kepp us updated on this xxxx
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A
female
reader, GUINNIE16 +, writes (25 May 2009):
I know exactly how u feel, im now 15 months after my break up with my ex, and everyday he is in my head. we dont keep in touch. And bump into each other every 3 months or so. After i have seen him i get all sad. He gets all emotional when we talk - he ended it, so that confuses me even more.
Best thing i think u can do is cut all contact i know how u feel, i dont want him out my life completly, but the more we hang on the less chance we got of finding someone that deserves us
Kepp us updated on this xxxx
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 May 2009):
 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I don't think you should be harsh on yourself - you should be as kind to yourself as possible. I don't think you should force yourself to cut her out completely, but I think you should try to exclude her from your mind, and I think you should REALLY focus on finding someone else. If you haven't found anyone yet, it's not necessarily because you can't get over her - it's because you haven't found the person who will help you get over her, yet. But you will.
Put your efforts into searching for others, instead of thinking about what might have been. I know 'searching' can be miserable in itself, but I think you should just start by finding 20 girls you like on the internet, and starting conversations (only) with them all, and seeing where that goes.
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Man, I am feeling what you are feeling right now. I am almost 3 months broken up with my girlfriend but I can definately see myself in your shoes.
You said you weren't sad in one paragraph but in the next you said you are sad because you think of what could've been. Believe me, you are sad. If she is a no go for a relationship or being involved with you romantically and you still have those deep feelings for her you must cut connections. It is what I am about to do because I too cannot take the pain anymore.
Speaking with her every now and then, when you still have those feelings for her, is going to do you no good and is just going to eat you from the inside. It seems to me like she was the one that ended the relationship and you still had all that love to give and were left hanging (I don't know for sure but that is my case).
Pretty soon, I am going to take my own advice because it is getting too much to bear. Cut ALL ties if this is the case and let time heal (if it ever does). But damn man, I feel ya.
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