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anonymous
writes: I have went through a painful breakup from my 3 year relationship about 2 months ago and was just starting to see a "light at the end of the tunnel", when he said he wanted to see me again and that he was missing me terribly. Against my better judgement, I met him, had a few drinks and well we became intimate. Immediately after, he stopped being nice, said it was a terrible idea and now denfinatly doesn't want anything to do with me. I thought I was over him, but now I just feel as rejected and down as I did the first time. Why would someone do this? How do you move on a second time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2005): Hello. Yes, This is one of the most painful things to happen after a relationship! You are certainly not alone. Pops says some good things but he is also very harsh. Firstly- be realistic with yourself. This is likely to take a little while to get over, as a wound has been re opened. Possibly, some of what you are feeling is anger at him and resentment at yourself. How could he do this? How could I let this happen? He must think I'm so easy, just a play thing? Why doesnt he care about my feelings? I dunno if I am on the right track, but all of these things are valid. Once you have come to terms that a) yes! it did happen! b) There's no going back. c) It's gonna take you a little while to get back on track and d) you will get through this! then you are ready to grow!
Nothing new here- just the old keep yourself very busy, dont beat yourself up, don't try to see him. It'll get better- as it has for many people who have been in your situation before. Yes, it hurts but it is important to take responsibility for what has happened- cos you don't want to bulid up any anger towards him, cos this will just hurt you.
I think it'll have to be positive affirmations all the way. And if poss, when/ if you bump into him again- hold your head high and maintain your dignity. All the best!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 September 2005):
 Maybe you should have seen his real motives (sex without obligation), under his thin veneer of "I miss you", but you didn't. It was an honest mistake because you hoped that he was sincere. Now don't beat yourself up about it. He didn't dump you again, as much as he continued to dump you. You're in the same place you were before you agreed to meet him, only now you can see things more clearly.
As to moving on, you can certainly see what kind of a person you're dealing with here! Someone who'd break up with you, then coax you back just for some easy sex is selfish, vain and egocentric. What you do is congratulate yourself for being rid of him!
When you start to see that you're actually free of a "user" then you'll begin to feel better about yourself and your future. Please promise yourself that you'll steer clear of any more of his games and tricks. Don't trust him. It won't take you another 2 months to get over him this time, because it wasn't a break-up this time as much as it was an insulting slap.
He isn't worth it, dear. Remind yourself of that and the sadness will fade.
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reader, pops +, writes (11 September 2005):
You are the only one to blame for what has happened. You didn't need to meet him, but if you wanted to take that chance, you could have insisted it take place in a less persuasive place than a bar. You chose to drink, obviously too much, and in spite of the drinks, you were consciously aware that you were being " Intimate " with him. He dumped you once, and you should have guessed he would only be interested in sex, and not with renewing a relationship. What he did is wrong. But what you did is what got your feelings hurt again. Send him a message telling him what you think of him, and let it go at that. Learn from this, and don't be so silly the next time.
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