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female
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*iggaroohoo
writes: I am thinking of asking my husband of 4 years for a divorce. When we first hooked up, he was in recovery for a gambling problem. Within our first year of marriage, I had an affair because of his guilty feelings of leaving his ex girlfriend and daughter. Over the past three years he has broken into my computers at home and work and constantly calls me if I am not home at a certain time. I have lost all my male friends because he doesn't trust me any longer. These are friends that were around long before he was. I am lonely and depressed because he thinks I should not need anyone else in my life.Last week he gambled away close to $2000 in funds we were waiting for to pay some bills. I had been hounding him to find out where this money was but he kept coming up with excuses. We have been in couple therapy for about a month but this last problem has left me feeling empty and without feelings for him. I am so confused, I don't know what to do!
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affair, depressed, divorce, ex girlfriend, gambling, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toni_no12002 +, writes (11 September 2005):
It sounds to me that he is scared of loosing you.Hence not letting you have any other friends etc.He probably feels that if you have other friends in your life all your attention wont be to him.If you dont have feelings for him any more the best thing to do would be to end the relationship as its just causing you more distress.He is also controlling you and relationships shouldnt be about controlling someone.There really are two options here either you get up and leave for yourself or if you cant bring yourself to do that,sit him down and say this has to stop and mean it!Tell him that you need friends and just because you have friends it wont change your feelings for him.Tell him that he cant keep blowing money away as it is yours to.Does he have friends?would you moan about them and stop him seeing them ?the answer is probably no.Tell him that if he doesnt stop you will walk.Maybe wha he needs is some shock treatment because he probably doesnt think you will leave because you have no one else.Just think to yourself if a friend was in your position what would you tell them!in this life there is only so much you can do for a person they have to do the rest themselves.You can think about other peoples feeling but your only livin for you right?so if your not happy do what you can to make yourself happy!If your always thinking of others feelings you will never be happy. good luck!
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