A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, about a month ago I started dating this guy, we've been friends for about 5 years. He is at uni and i am studying part time while working.... He broke up with me yesterday. He said that he has so much work to do and is under a lot of pressure that he cant be in a relationship at the moment... Things were great! He mentioned moving in together and going on holiday together just a couple of days ago... Now it keeps eating me... Was it all just a fluke? Could his reason for breaking up be just an excuse or is it real??
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (17 August 2009):
I know. They give us all the right signals... we think everything is fine... and then they just totally pull a 180...and don't even explain why. It's NOT fair, it's not right, and it's confusing as hell. I've had it happen to me. Seen it happen to friends. It makes you crazy. You feel lied to somehow... they led you to believe things were this one way and then bam. How can we trust them when they do things like this?
I've tried to figure it out... based on what you wrote I conjecture possible thoughts that might be going through his head. You have to remember I don't really know you or him and all I have is what you write. But I totally get how confusing and painful it is. I'm sorry. He might circle back around. That's why I say don't put so much energy into him. Put the energy into yourself. YOU are the one you can trust.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay he didnt say what if.. he said we should... and we were close friends for 5 years... I didnt mean that I gave up my interests too get into things he like... I enjoy the pc geek weekends every now and then and am quite sporty. what i meant is none of his exes would actually consider it... And i was thinking on the practical side when i said great to the moving in gig... it would be easier on both of us to live 2gether... I hate cooking for one person, he oversleeps... I forget little things, he sucks at laundry duty. but the moving in thing isnt whats bothering me... Whats bothering me is the fact that 2days ago he was making plans for this coming weekend with me and still being his normal silly goofy self... And then next morning its over?
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (16 August 2009):
Okay first of all he's talking about moving in together after only dating a month? Seems a bit fast. When you said great! that might have freaked him out a bit. Guys do this weird thing where they daydream scenarios out loud and they may not be serious about it. Stuff like hey what if... we went on vacation together, we moved in together, we get married on the beach... it's all just their fantasy life. We can't take it so seriously. Sounds like you did and he freaked out.
What you need to do is just be like you enjoy his company but are happy enough either way. Just leave him alone and give him his space. Don't contact him at all. If he comes around just say oh hi great to hear from you. Guys are crazy and they imagine all sorts of pressure from women that isn't there. You need to stay centered in your own life. When you make yourself too available and get into everything he's into... it makes it really hard for guys to respect you and not think you are just kissing up.
As women we make this huge mistake being "too nice". Guys don't like it. Think about it though, as women we don't like it either - we don't want a guy who's just yes yes yes to everything we want and always available. We think those guys are saps. They think the same as us. They like us to have our own interests, our own lives, and to know they are not the center of our worlds. That is way too much responsibility and pressure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe mentioned moving in together when I said I plan on moving closer to my work which is really close to the university... I reacted by telling him it would be great, that it could work for me and since I study part time and work we wouldnt get in each others hair when one of us had to study... I made time in my hectic schedule to see him, he knew it that and he always appreciated it, even before we were officially dating... Which is why I dont understand the sudden break up... I always showed him that I feel the same, no other girl ever spent a saturday watching rugby with him, hung out playing ridiculous pc games with him. Things were great, up until yesterday.. Thats about it... We have the same friends, they were thrilled that we were dating and both our families love both of us to bits...
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female
reader, trotman68  +, writes (16 August 2009):
 He is basically saying he needs space. He is scared with what he is feeling, you said he mentioned moving in, How did you take this? The reason why I am asking is sometimes men feel that they are not good enough for us. I really need to know if your reation when this came about, hasn't been taken wrongly by him.. I know you might say your reation was normal, but you would be surprise how men take things. I think personally if it is true with what you say, he is backing off because he thinks you dont feel the same way as he does.
Its very strange that one day he is saying he wants to move in and then he is breaking up with you,. It actually tells me that he is either scared of committing hisself 100 or that he feels that you dont feel the same.
Talk to him.ask him to go for a drink and just ask him out right. Dont put it on hold otherwise,they distant theirselves and then they dont open up. So the sooner the better really.
Please if you have any more to tell me, now is the time as this does have to be dealt with quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This guy will drive you mad. He chops and changes his mind all the time because the world revolves around him. He really only thinks about himself. Don't wait up, he'll probably be back tomorrow. One day he'll want kids and you'll be so excited, then he'll change his mind and you'll have to give him an ultimatum.
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