A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for nearly 5 years. He's from a different country so we don't get to go on vacation unless it's to see his friends and family. I don't mind but when we do go we don't get time to relax. I've gotten sick on this trip to the point I was throwing up and couldn't move. But we still had to stick to schedule which meant going to see his aunt and uncle when I felt like I was going to pass out. Every day we get up at 8am and go to sleep at 3-4am. Every minute of everyday is packed with meeting up with this person or that person. I'm not fluent in the language although I'm learning I don't have a ton of time between work and study. We can't afford seperate vacations and I don't like the idea of going alone. Is anyone else in a similar situation or can shed some light? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (9 June 2019):
You’re an adult. If you don’t want to visit his relatives don’t. Tell him to go visit his relatives and you’re going to the lake country or wherever you like this year.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2019): Let him go and you have a stay cation.Just lay around the house for a week and rest.Watch movies eat popcorn or go do a thing that tourists do in your town.Look his vacations are so extreme they are making you physically sick.Next time if you go with him you might end up in the hospital from exhaustion.He expects way too much from you that this is in no way a vacation.I hope he pays his own way and you are not paying to get sick also.He can go alone and pay his own way.You are also a separate person not joined at the hip.Let him go do his thing on his dime and you do yours on your dime.There is no good reason that you must go when it sucks this bad.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2019):
 Arent you old enough to put your for down and decide your own schedule? Tell him : we will go visit your family, but I also want us to do this and that just the two of us + I wont attend all the meetings. Its a vacation, right? Supposedly? Just say no. And dont be so scared of going alone or with a friend, its not like single people can never go on vacation...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2019):
 Have you TALKED to him about this?
He might not quite GET what you expect from a vacation or how LITTLE you actually relax on these "visit family trips".
You two could ALSO make little weekend trips around your own country, stay at a B&B and just chill.
Also it IS one of those things were you kind of have to consider that your BF ONLY gets to see family that one time a year?
talk to him and FIND a compromise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): He hasnt got your best interests in mind if he drags you to more social stuff with HIS relatives when youve been throwing up. And its also not a good sign to not plan anything for the 2 of you to do without anyone else on YOUR vacation. Seeing his family is important but vacations are too expensive to not relax at all or do things you want to do too.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 June 2019):
 I'm not sure how this relationship will work out because your boyfriend doesn't seem very considerate of you if he's still telling you to stick to schedule when you're ill. He can go see them while you recuperate (or do your own thing when not ill).
You need to tell him outright that you're happy to do these holidays, but there needs to be time for you both to do things without family/friends too and that it's not fair to expect you to be social when you're genuinely ill.
If he doesn't understand and agree to those things, your relationship probably won't last because consideration for each other is incredibly important.
Side Note: He should also be trying to (patiently) teach you the language over time. It's not hard to cook together and say something in English, then his language. Same with films/TV shows, objects, household items, food, drinks, nature, etc.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): You should tell him exactly how you feel and how these visits to his family are affecting you and tell him that you can not accompany him on these visits anymore. If he is a decent guy he will understand and put your well being his top priority and that is how it should be. If he refuses then you have to choose, either you bear it or hand him his card and let him go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): Your boyfriend is kinda selfish.You were very sick and he did not even care about you he only cared about himself.Look at what he is showing you.Dump the boyfriend and go on the vacation of your dreams.
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