A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Evening folks,So, about two years ago, I went to this night school and I got on well with two other people. So well in fact, that even up to now, we're still close friends - and always meeting up together and stuff. However, as is expected with things posted on this site, there has been a spanner or two thrown into the works.You see, one of the folks is a female. And the other, is a male. I've had quite the crush on the female for about a year - and so has the other guy, it appears.However, we all arranged to go sleep over at her university, and things changed that day. Both us males became ever more serious about her - and she started to like one of us back.Well, seeing as this is being posted you can pretty much guess that I'm the loser in this situation - since no-one had said anything to each other I started to do some enquiring - she rejected me, revealed that she liked the mutual friend. I told him what she thought of him (that's when he told me he liked her) and then I told him to ask her out.Now that's been done (and they're now a couple) I don't know what to do. The mutual friend says that he feels really bad for me about the whole thing, and I haven't talked to the lass since they got together.What do I do? I'm just so confused - I think they're perfect together but I just feel so jealous. And sad. I'm not angry, but I'm just sad.I think I can cope doing social things with the mutual friend, but not with the lass.Aaaaaaaaargh!If you folks could you know, help me a bit, that'd be much appreciated - oh, happy new year to you all too.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (1 January 2013):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) You'll find someone so much better, don't worry about her. And if you're just going to be a third wheel then maybe when you meet up you should invite a friend? Just so you don't feel so alone, I've been in that situation before, it's not fun at all. If it bothers you that much, no one's forcing you to hang out with them. Cope with it at your own pace, don't stress out over this whole situation, it's not worth the time. You have a life to live, go out and explore. :D!
A
female
reader, KristinaMarchant +, writes (1 January 2013):
I think it's time to open an online dating profile and get out there. I'm glad you can admit that they are perfect together. It really isn't about you being rejected but about them finding love with each other. Love yourself enough to make finding your other half a priority. Leave them be. If he or she calls or texts, send a text back and simply say, "I need some time for myself. Know that you both understand. All the best." And then don't write anything back after that. Refocus your energy on dating and finding new friends. If you find yourself obsessing over them, tell yourself that her decision has nothing to do with your worth as a man. He was just a better fit. If you find that this doesn't work, I suggest speaking to a professional about some issues you may have with having had to compete for a caregiver's attention growing up.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 What can you do? Not a thing. Unfortunately, she chose him and you're now a third wheel.
It's best to remain cordial with the both. She chose him, and he accepted it, if anything you should be equally upset with the both of them.
Like the anon poster stated, give yourself some distance from the both of them. Find a new group of mates to socialize with, and avoid throwing females into the mix. People tend to harbor unspoken feelings and couple up after a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): it sucks that this female friend didnt see more to the relationship you had with one another but that truth of it is that there is not much you can do in the situation from what you explained you both had mutual expressed feelings for this girl and you both knew at one point it would come to a coin toss for who she would choose.
Mabye you should avoid socialising with them physically for a while as seeing them together might upset you further. You could catch up with old friends or take up new hobbies it is the style at this time of the year. converse with them over text messaging etc and if they do ask if something is the matter just tell them you feel you need a bit of space they will understand it is an upsetting situation .... distracting yourself can sometimes be the best medicine when dealing with loved ones until you have figured out what you want or need to do
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