A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Aunts and Uncles:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our relationship is going down the drain and I'm trying desperately to save it, but I'm in need of advice as I don't know how to deal with this. I consider myself to be a smart, caring, well-rounded girl. In the last 3 years, I can sincerely say I have loved and dedicated my time to this man, and he to me.The start of our relationship was rocky, as he liked to go out and party a lot with his friends. Back then we were still in school, and my parents were always very strict so I was never allowed to do these things. As time went by, my boyfriend made a committment to me and his ways changed. Instead of going out to a party, he would rent a movie and we would cuddle on the couch.As I child, I was sexually abused and ever since then it was very hard for me to ever get that "close" to someone. He was the first person I ever told about this, and he was very patient and understanding. After 2 years of being together, I finally felt comfortable and 100% ready, confident and with no fear, to be intimate with him. He's the only person I've ever been with and ever since then our sex life has been wonderful.Finally, we're in college. He's now a responsible, mature young man and I know he loves me very much. I've never been to a party, or a club, or anything of that sort but I've always wanted to go at least once, just to see what that's like. Last month he took me up on the offer, and said it would be fun to go as a couple and we made plans.He recently began attending a church and he's been very happy with the whole experience, and I've been supportive. But now he says he's changed into a new person, and that he would never take me out dancing as that is not church-like. He also said he no longer wishes to have sex as we are not married and it goes against the bible.Also, he had a romantic night out planned for Valentine's Day. We were supposed to go out for a nice dinner, and he had rented a room of this really nice hotel I had been wanting to go to. Now he canceled everything because he says that would lead to sex, and we can't have that in our relationship anymore. My manager called and asked if I had any plans for tomorrow, I replied no and he asked me if I could come in. So tomorrow I will be working until late hours, when we could of been enjoying each other's company.I don't know what to do. It's such a big, unexpected change. How do I deal with this? What would you do? I love him and I don't want to break up, and he's told me that that's the farthest thing on his mind but that he's a new person, and that I should try to be the same and respect his desicion. I feel like he's going in one direction and I'm going in the complete opposite. I want to try new things and experience life in new ways. I want to go out and have fun, but I don't want to lose him. He's been there, done that. I feel so down, I want to save our relationship but I honestly don't know where to start.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 He is a new person, he's not the guy you fell in love with. That guy liked partying and having fun.
This new guy seems to be a committed Christian and his bible is important to him. To be a good Christian he no longer wishes to have sex with you until you are married. He is no longer interested in parties and other worldly things.
What can you do?
1. Accept that he's a Christian, respect his decision but understand that your relationship has to change as many things you used to do with him are no longer acceptable.
2. Start going to church, ask him about his beliefs, maybe you can find faith and can become a Christian too.
3. Leave him and find someone who doesn't need religion to be central to their lives.
4. Stay with him, make no changes, grow slowly apart as you both seek out different interests.
Yes, your going in different directions, sometimes love is not enough. I've given you 4 options, he has chosen his path, you need to pick one and follow a path of your own. People get older and they change, it's not that he doesn't love you, but he loves his God more.
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