A
female
age
30-35,
*unkissed29
writes:I get bored in our relationship from time to time. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Of course, everything was exciting and amazing at the beginning. We also had a distance relationship for a year. This year, however, I transferred to his school (not for him, for my studies and the location). We don't really do many fun things anymore, and if we do, I am ALWAYS the one that suggests anything new. We're both pretty busy, but at least I still put in my fair share of spicing things up in the relationship, whereas he's just oblivious to the routine and doesn't make much effort to keep things interesting. He doesn't give me little surprises, flowers, notes, take me to new places, suggest new things to do, etc. So basically, he RARELY does anything out of the ordinary or out the routine. I know that these things happen in relationships and that he still cares and loves me very much, but I don't want my boredom to affect our relationship. I have talked to him about this, and it does work for a couple days to one week, but he falls into the same old routines, unless I constantly remind him, which is really tiresome on my part. What do you think I should do now?
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female
reader, sunkissed29 +, writes (27 April 2011):
sunkissed29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I think that I am definitely be okay with him not doing what I expect. As long as he loves and cares for me, that's all that matters. I think I just had the wrong idea of what he should be doing in the relationship and failed to acknowledge the things that he does do to show his love. Once again, thanks for your time!
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 sounds like he cares about you, or he wouldn't initially attempt to make effort to make you happy after you mention your issue to him. i beieve he's just not good at showing you in the way you need or it's foreign to him. a lot of men are like that. at this point, i think you may have to decide if what you ARE getting from him is worth more to you than what you AREN'T getting. and if it's not what you're looking for in a relationship, it might be that time to let go.
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A
female
reader, sunkissed29 +, writes (26 April 2011):
sunkissed29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think he goes out of his way much with physical acts unless it's a special occasion, since we don't live together. He does text me and ask how I'm doing often and calls me to talk several nights out of the week. He doesn't initiate to hang out very often, and I'm the one who asks to hang out most of the time. It's confusing because he shows that he cares consistently through texting and calling, but his lack of initiating to do things or going out of his way to do physical acts for me is quite annoying to me. Any other thoughts? Thanks for your time!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 April 2011):
i think that people have completely differing expectations out of committed relationships. he may love the routine and consistency of your relationship and be perfectly content, while you may need the little things. he probably doesn't mean to not do these things for you. sometimes people just show their love in different ways. does he ever go out of his way to show you he cares by doing physical acts like changing your oil, cleaning your room, etc? sometimes both people are making equal effort, just misfiring because they're showing it in different ways that the other person doesn't recognize.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 You have to decide how important this is to your relationship. He won't change, and why should he, it's obviously not the way he is. Some men are attentive that way, but many are not. It is your decision now, how important are those things to you? How important is he to you?
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