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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: dear cupid,soo, my boyfriend and i (he's about to be twenty-one, and i'm about to be twenty) have been dating off and on for about five months now. the first time we broke up, it wasn't because either one of us wanted to at all; there were just some circumstances that were beyond our control that made breaking up the best thing to do. we started talking about three weeks later, and everything was just as great as it had been before; eventually, we declared ourselves an official couple again, one thing led to another, and i gave him my virginity. and all throughout that, we discussed our future together quite a bit--he even invited me to move into his new apartment with him, but i had to turn him down because my parents pretty much won't hear of me living with a guy to whom i'm not married.even in spite of me not being able to move in with him and him not having veryy much time to spend with me because of his job, we couldn't have been happier. whenever we DID get to spend time together, it was always wonderful. both of us knew that we were in love and that we wanted to be together and basically, everything was perfect.then, in the beginning of last month, things started changing. i noticed that he wasn't really being as sweet and flirty as he had been before, we weren't talking all the time, and i was kind of having to beg to go see him. i confronted him about all of this, and he confessed to me that even though he loved me, he wasn't happy the way that he had been before. every time we talked about it, all he would really say was, "I don't know." And he said that about everything--why he wasn't happy, what had made him happy before, whether or not he still wanted to be with me...you get the idea.i went for about three more weeks without seeing him or even talking to him all that much, and then, he started letting me come see him every now and again. i've seen him four times since all of this started happening, and if you ask me, each of those times have been great...almost entirely like the old days. i've asked him a few times if he's starting to feel happy like he used to, and the first time, he said, "yea a lil," and the other times, he's said yes. yesterday, i asked him if he still loves me and wants to be with me, and his answers to both questions were yes. whenever i ask him if he thinks we'll be okay, he says that he hopes so. he says that he doesn't want me to give up and would tell me if he did and that he doesn't plan on being with anybody else or anything like that. he's also mentioned a couple of times that he's just really, really stressed out and given me reason to believe that maybe, that has something to do with how things are between us right now.the one thing that he still doesn't seem to know is what made him soo happy before and what's got him feeling not as happy now. also, even though he says that he remembers why he fell in love with me, he won't ever actually tell me why.i really hate how things are right now. we had such a beautiful relationship before, and neither one of us knows what happened to it. we both still love each other and want to get things back to the way that they used to be...but obviously, we don't know how. does anybody have any advice on how we can make that happen???~sarsar~
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): in your first paragraph you state: "been dating off and on for five months" and "the first time we broke up"Both of those statements allude to breaking up and making up more than once in about a five month period.My thought my parents would kill me for moving in with my boyfriend after being together for only six months. I was 19, he was 18. We've been living together for seven years, and together for seven and a half. We have never broken up once in this time.If you are meant to be, both of you can feel it. It is an indescribable attraction...much more than sex or anything physical. You have a level of intimacy with one another that just seems to pull you together. You both just know...and have known from just about the start of your relationship that you belong together. If this is how both of you feel, than he is depressed because you did not move in with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsoo, i appreciate your response, buuut i think you've misunderstood some things.
1. we've only broken up ONCE during this period of time.
2. no, i'm not 20...i never said i was. i said i am ABOUT to be 20.
3. and no, i'm not the one who has always been talking about our future. HE is the one who invited me to move in with him. a couple of months ago, HE also brought up the idea of building a house on my parents' land after we got married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): You've been together 'on and off' for less than half of one year. You've broken up more than once in this period of time.After you broke up and got back together, you gave him your virginity. (are you really 20...this scenario seems more like a teenage girl with an older man)He is distant now because he is not sure of his future, or whether he sees you in it. I would not be surprised if you were the one who keeps talking about a future together and he agrees with you or says nice things so he doesn't hurt your feelings. I do not think he has any malicious intent and I do not think he is simply using you either. Odds are, he is extremely stressed, trying to adapt to all of the changes in his life (new apt., work, new girlfriend who wants his undivided attention), and if he is doubting how long-term your relationship will be, he is regretting taking your virginity and cares about you too much to just break up with you now because he knows what it meant to you to give yourself to him.There are other possibilities. Mostly, I think the spark is gone because you gave gotten ahead of yourselves. You are having communication issues, you haven't even been a proper couple for a straight half of a year, you are going out of your way for him and he is not recriprocating...and you are talking about your future together.Talk is nice, but doesn't change the fact that talk is talk.
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