A
female
age
30-35,
*renda-xx
writes:Iv been seeing this guy for quite a while now, everything was going so perfect! He was just the sweetest. I never thought it would last as he really wasnt my type but he really went out of his way to win me over and i ended up falling in love with him. This summer he had to move to another country with work, we agreed that we would stay together as both of us were really crazy about eachother. He would be spending the whole summer away and I was so sad when he left I really thought it was the end of the world! I decided to book a trip to visit him about 9 weeks into his stay, he had 2 friends with him so I decided to bring 2 of mine so we could all have fun!When we arrived he was so happy to see me our friends left us alone for the night to give us some time together and it was fantastic! He told me he wouldnt be able to take time off work for the week I was there as he was too busy and basically couldn't afford to. I was totally fine about it, I unnderstood completely. A little into the vacation things just went downhill, he wasn't in the mood to cuddle or hold hands (just the little things). The sex was great though! He promised me he would take me out for dinner, as it was my birthday, which didnt happen! He said how he had bought me a gift which he wanted to give me, but never did. Things then started to feel awkward, I couldn't understand why. I tried to talk to him but he just kept saying how everything was fine, but i knew it clearly wasnt, things got so bad that we ended up having an argument (for the very first time in our relationship), and I left feeling upset and depressed. I didnt enjoy the vacation and as far as i could see it he didnt either! When I got home he said how everything was fine but I had changed. I couldnt understand why he would think this, I was shocked. I tried to talk with him about it but it was just through text he wouldnt answer calls. I eventually got to the bottom of it, he said how he was surprised as I put on weight over the summer and was a little taken back... (I was 9 stone and am now 10 and a half). I knew myself I had but it wasnt a major issue although I would of liked to be back tomy old size again. He then started saying stuff like, he thinks that maybe he rushed into things and how we really didnt have much in common. He is a fitness fanatic, and I do nothing basically. I mean he is no perfect picture himself but I fell in love with him for him and if our relationship was based on appearance and looks, It wouldnt of lasted!! Now Iv been going to the gym to keep him happy, he returns this week and I still look the same and am so scared that Im going to lose him but is it worth staying in a relationship where Im not going to feel good about myself and always feeling insecure about my looks?? I really dont know what to do Im so inlove with this guy! Please, some advice would be great! xx
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female
reader, brenda-xx +, writes (29 August 2009):
brenda-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's back today guys..! Totally dreading it :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): You are only ten and a half stone! He is making a big deal out of nothing, you're not even fat let alone obese! If he mentions the weight issue again, you need to have a serious talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): One of my current boyfriends is doing this to me. I am a size 8 and he would be prefer me much thinner. He calls me supposed 'pet' names like the round ball and chubster which really hurt. I have to watch every single thing I eat and if i am with him basically am allowed a lettuce leaf. Now my boyfriend is a tall man and he is not thin so i think it is absolutely hysterical that he feels he has the right to do this. I met his previous girl friend once and she told me that if out she had to sit with her coat on to disguise her shape - she was a fairly normal 12//14.
My advice would be keep yourself fit and healthy and eat carefully but do not penalize yourself unneccessarily just to please a man. It is just too waring and you will make yourself miserable. I think there are quite a lot of men out there who behave like this from the number of similar posts I have read. This chap is far too shallow and he is not the one for you. Yes you could turn yourself into a bean pole and rub his face in it and then dump him but he isn't worth the effort. Find someone much nicer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): If he was really in love with you and weight wouldn't mean a thing. After all, when women get pregnant they put on weight - lots of it - and it can take a long time to lose it again. Do their husbands stop loving them? Not at all! And if they did, they are jerks and should be ditched! So unless you want to get a personal trainer and push a jogger pram at 6am every morning with the celebrities (oh and you'll also need a chef), then ditch this guy and find someone better. And there WILL be someone better. Oh and another thing - he should have flown out to visit YOU! The first warning sign. My guess is that if you lost the extra stone and went back to see him, the problems would still be there.
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A
female
reader, Miss Know-it-all  +, writes (25 August 2009):
If you really love him then you could watch what you eat, maintain a balance diet and excercise regularly, not at all harmless. But you have to ask yourself, do you love him enough to spend the rest of your life having to 'be careful', say no to pudding and maybe become miserable? If he does not love you for who you are, inside and out, then it he really worth the trouble? There are other amazing guys out there, and they would love you with all their heart. The choice is yours.
Take Care,
xx
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A
male
reader, Neoloverboy23  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Dear, if he truly is in love with you, then he wouldn't care how you look. You see, almost all guys would want to have a hot sexy girl that looks like they're models off of sexy magazines because they're turned on visually. However, there are guys that don't even care how a woman looks as long as they have a great personality that attracts them. If he doesn't see you for who you are as a person, then he's not right for you. However, if he realizes that you have a great personality and he still loves you, then that's great.
I would suggest that you should talk to him and ask him if he's still in love with you. But if he says that he does, but in a short response, then you have to get tough on him and ask him if he's really serious about you. You have to be sure if he still wants you in your life.
If you want to change yourself physically, don't do it for him, do it for yourself. If you love yourself, then don't change, but if you want to change so you can fully love yourself, then go out there in the gym for you. NOT for him, but for YOU.
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A
female
reader, brenda-xx +, writes (25 August 2009):
brenda-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply Gina,
I have told him that he is being shallow, he just feels that Im not active enough and thats why I have put on the weight.. He thinks its unhealthy :( It upsets me to think hes not happy with the way I look, to be honest I do get a lot of male attention (from gorgeous guys) before I would love this but now all I want is him, Iv no interest in other guys.
It is getting me down that he is being hard to please, everything would be perfect if I did lose the weight though, but does this mean that when I have lost weight there will be something else that will bother him and I will end up spending my time changing my apparence to suit him and realistically wont be happy with myself...
Its just so hard to talk to him about it now, its a little embarressing for me too!. I know that im not fat but inside I feel like Im huge now!. Hes back in a couple of days, im dreading it! I should be excited about seeing him but I feel sick in my stomach thinking about it :(
Brenda xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): I would loose the weight and then tell him to get lost. No guy is worth that much effort.
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